America’s Got Talent Night – is anyone watching except us?

TV-WatchingOK I have to admit this is a stretch…a Modern Vampire Family watching America’s Got Talent every summer and blogging about it. It is a stretch but LOOK it is happening right here and now…and you’re part of it. But maybe not because unlike last year, I don’t think anyone is reading my AGT posts this summer. Hmmmm. So if you perchance see this post I’ll be doing more space exploration, vampire stories, inspirational parenting stuff and fashion tips or whatever later this week. It has been one of those stressful weeks for me where I just need to unwind and clear my brain and watch talent shows and you know, silly stuff.

This summer has been somewhat of a disappointment (with AGT, I hope not with this blog).

Tonight only two acts (out of two hours of acts) stood out.

The first was Olivia Rox a 14-year-old singer. She was cute and poised and had a great style. And she sang that song better than the Beeb ever did (we’re not Beeb fans here). But Olivia, oh Olivia you rocked it.

The second was a Marine from Kentucky named Jimmy Rose. Jimmy is a former coal miner with deep roots and a deeper heart and soul. This guy has TALENT – FINALLY. And of course he has a million dollar smile. We were all digging the red cowboy boots. Go Jimmy Rose. We know you have a long musical career ahead of you.

The other acts that went through were ok and I’d better write them down before I FORGET them. It was sort of like a school talent show tonight. Don’t get me wrong – I LOVE school talent shows but this isn’t a school talent show. They’re looking for a million dollar act.

Mat, Hona and Dave played a HUGE guy like a drum. They were all from Salt Lake City. Wow. It was unusual and a lot of fun and sort of weird and wonderful and happy.

The Break Dancing Sword Swollower – Yuck.

The Skaters who did ice skating on plastic. Oh come on. They were so lame. Show me some real skating. Do it on wheels and do it well. Ho Hum and BLAH.

Sensations – danced with optics, black light stuff and stuff like that. OK but sort of a yawn.

Kid Hoochie Dancers Daniella and Yosha. Not cute. OK the boy was cute. The girl could have been cute but she was, well, a brat. Teddy (my husband) said she’ll be a stripper when she grows up and he will be a back up dancer for a Broadway show (not a bad gig). Clara (age 14) said “She seems like a little brat.” School show talent stuff – and you all know how I dislike small children shaking their booties like club dancers (exploitation)

212 Green from Harlem, NYC. A family of talented kids who have a sweet little band. Teddy and 17 year Garrett thought they had no talent. Clara thought they were just ok but not more. I thought they were really cute.

Chloe Chanelle age 11. A cute kid country singer. If she tells stories as well as sings she has a good future. She told hunting stories. Cute girl.

What was up with the random Balloon Lady?

And that is all I’m going to mention tonight. No cocktails tonight.

The highlight and lowlight – we learned there are arson fires in the area where we live near Sacramento, CA. That is so evil. Today our friends were evacuated from their home due to one of those fires. But our friend was on the news and looked good on camera as he spoke about living so close to the fire. We live in a high fire area. In light of recent events around where we live and all over the West, fire is scary and there are tragic consequences. Our memories are full of fires and tragedies. Please be careful and report any suspected arsonists.

Listen to Smokey Bear and if you’re home on Tuesday night watch America’s Got Talent with us. We can compare notes.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Four judges this year  - so far so good.

Four judges this year – so far so good.

AGT and we’re waiting for the fun to start…

If you’re not into AGT then skip this and check out some of the previous posts that are more compelling and better written.

It is Tuesday and another night for our America’s Got Talent Night! Woo Hoo. Last week Clara and I watched it from a hotel room in Fresno. Ugh. It was HELLISHLY HOT. Unfortunately we didn’t see much we really liked. The was a sort of funny comedian and a lot of really stupid stuff…but nothing really amazingly good stood out. EXCEPT the three OPERA GUYS. I’ll look up their names later because I’m going to attempt to write this blog in 15 minutes or less (and I can type about 70 wpm.)

So we’re trying again this week in hopes for something that will WOW us.

In the meantime the kids off for the summer. Teens. So I’m trying to keep down the quotas of misinformation, practical jokes and for my son “romance”. He is also filling out a zillion college applications (OK about half a dozen, maybe a few more.) None of this is new…get into the way-back-machine and remember when you were a teenager. Summers were a long period alternation between frantic fun and sheer boredom. At least that is what they want their parents to think. And sleep. In the summer I let them sleep.

So back to the show. No cocktails tonight because Teddy is out playing trivia with some of his friends in the antiques business. I hope they don’t get third place because it is usually a really disgusting porn CD. Really. I kid you not. Second place is usually something stupid like a banjo picker picnic CD. First place is a good gift certificate which he usually gives away if he wins, but that’s ok by me.

Did I say back to the show already? OK here is the rundown…


Kelsey & Bailey. Exceptionally cute dancing dog and cute 17 year old girl. Toxic cute. Cute without being annoying. OMG that dog looks soft. It is soooooo cute. I’ve never seen a dog dance like that.

Juggling Kid. I didn’t catch his name. He had a red shirt and was 19. If put in the hands of a seasoned professional he could go a long way.

Chicago Boys. Very nice and inspirational. Wow they were fun too.

2 Unique: No no no no no. Didn’t like those two little 10 year old DJ girls and my kids didn’t like them either. Any of our neighborhood kids could do better. I didn’t like the attitude of the smaller girl. The whole tough girl thing is a big turn off.

We heard loud thumping and no it wasn’t the air conditioner exploding (it is still in the 100’s here) it was Teddy pulling into the driveway blasting Metallica.

Sully Dunn – the guy was a singer. Not a good singer. He was a moron and they sent him through. A bitter young talentless hack. Blah.

The Opera Guy with the mom who didn’t approve of him. Teddy said he was terrible. The kids said he was ok and liked his eye color. I love Nessum Dorma. But where is the Prince Poppycock of this season? Really WHERE IS HE (or she). Where is that unexpected flash of brilliant?

Then some asshole came out with a cat puppet and threw fake poops all over the stage. Next.

Enrico the Samba guy came out and Teddy asked “Where is the sniper when you need one?”

Next was San Antonio and Heidi was rocking the animal print dress!

The Texan David Finley was a big guy with a whiskey and smoke voice. Wow. Now that is more like it. Good earthy sound. Good job dude! Teddy found him compelling. I thought he had a great voice and was really sweet. The kids liked him too but said the beard had to go.

Dillon the hiphop robot dancer kid was cute. And his mom was cute. Awwwww. And we all liked the noodle arm thing. How’d he do that?

Tiny Red Shirted Rappers. They were really strange but compelling. Good at Rap and I don’t like Rap, but they were ok.

American Hit Men. Former Marines that formed a band. They were ok. Garage band stuff. They won’t be making it to Warped Tour next year. We’re (all 4 of us) are pretty critical because the kids go to a lot of concerts and hear a lot of small and local bands too. These guys aren’t ready for the big time. Clara said “I’m not digging it.” Garrett said “It is cool they were Marines but they need more practice.”

So that is it for this week. Sorry the detail isn’t there. I just wasn’t paying that much attention. Like I said, I’m waiting for something really good that catches my attention and sticks in my memory.




America’s Got Talent Show #2, Cocktails and Vampires

We never know what short of acts we'll see. It could be anything.

We never know what short of acts we’ll see. It could be anything.

It is summer and it is Tuesday so…drum roll please…it is ATG Night! The second night of the try-outs to see who will go to Las Vegas.

I started the America’s Got Talent posts last year and shall continue to. My kids like it. I think it is fun. My husband puts up with it and uses it as an excuse for summer cocktails.

Yes we’re Vampires, but who wants to sit around all night and be all dark and gothic when we can just sit back and be silly and clear our brains of everything. We’ll hunt on Thursday (tomorrow is 8th grade graduation). And of course Vampires always save Friday for the best lunch of the week (as my regular readers know.)

So here we go for our opinions on tonight’s show. And by the way, we still don’t like Special Head and his trick is something side show folks have been doing for centuries. He had a plate in the floor mat, he stuck his pole in it and then his seat popped up under his butt. That is why he wore a robe and walked funny. Let him try it in shorts and a tee shirt – no way in Hell could he pull that off. I thought he was just plain creepy.

So before the show starts we have cocktails (Thank you darling husband Teddy)

Bloody Teddy

Mix everything together and pour over a lot of ice in tall glasses. Serves two.

  • 1 (11.5 fl oz) can spicy vegetable juice cocktail
  •  1/2 lime, juiced
  • 1 stalk celery
  • 4 dashes pepper sauce (such as Tabasco)
  • 2 dashes Worcestershire sauce
  • 1 teaspoon prepared horseradish
  • 4 (1.5 fluid ounce) jiggers vodka, or to taste (I use a lot more)
  •  4 (1.5 fluid ounce) blood (optional if you’re not a Vampire)
  • salt and ground black pepper to taste
  • 1 cup ice cubes
  • 4 marinated cocktail onions
  • 2 short stalks of celery with leaves (stick in glass for  garnish)
  • 2 stuffed green olives
  • 1/2 lime, cut into wedges and squeezed into glasses over the ice.
  • 2 small sprigs of mint

Now we’re all settled in…on to the show!

I might spell some names wrong…so anyway…

First let me get this out of the way. The guy who brought us the Untouchables last year and the year before is back again exploiting children as hoochie dancers. I’m sorry if you like that sort of thing but no little girls should be shaking their little butts and flat chests like that. No kids should be exploited for the glory and ego of an adult. Period. That is my opinion and I think that guy should be banned from the show. He is sick and twisted and exploits children.

Brad Byers swallowed 9 swords. Cool. Good old fashioned side show stuff. We liked him.

There was a 16 year old who did magic. He was so sweet. It was with the dollar bill and the chip bag. Very sweet. I’m happy for him. Good job kid.

Travis Pratt holy cow where’d you get that beautiful voice. He also has the face to go along with the opera music. Good job. Wow. And SHE SAID YES. He proposed to his girlfriend. Awwwww it was so sweet. OMG it was cute.

Jonathan if you’re reading this NEVER GIVE UP. He has a beautiful opera voice. His parents kicked him out of the house when he was 18 for the sin of being Gay. Listen up folks, if your kid is gay it isn’t a sin. It just is what it is. Love your kids or don’t have them.

Paul Thomas Mitchell – a singer with a sweet voice and a big future ahead of him. He wrote his own song and it was good. I’d like to see what he does next.

We loved the girl with the puppets – my husband and Garrett (age 16) and I did. Clara (13) thought the puppets were creepy. She thinks most puppets are creepy.

The rest of the acts were ok but not much stood out. Yes, we have to admit that we all know somebody like JC Starbright the older guy who was a computer programmer by day and a rocker by night. HA HA very funny. No really, in a painful sort of way.

So that brings this post to an end (because I spilled my drink on my notes and can’t read anything else). And remember…if you sound good in the shower it doesn’t mean you sound good on stage…BUT you never know. So if you have a talent show it off and share share share.

Until next Tuesday have a good week. And continue to check this blog for fun posts about parenting, Vampires, books, jaded opinions, life and love.

Enough with the snakes PLEASE!

Enough with the snakes PLEASE!


~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Lost Boys, Aliens and America’s Got Talent (or an evening with my teenage Vampire son)

imagesSummer is here and so is this season of America’s Got Talent. Yes, it is back along with my weekly update about what your favorite Vampire family thinks of it and our opinions.

For those of you who are just recently following this blog – there is a history here. We did this last year. Usually we added cocktails too but Teddy isn’t here tonight so no cocktails (you’ll have to make your own).

Boardwalk, Santa Cruz, CA

Boardwalk, Santa Cruz, CA

Teddy is with Clara on the last field trip of Middle School – ever. They’re in Santa Cruz enjoying the beach and the boardwalk and touring UCSC. And yes, it IS where the movie Lost Boys took place, but that isn’t going to happen on this field trip. The Vampires we know aren’t like that (it is fiction). OK a few might be that nasty but not in our circles. And yes, in the movie they call the city something else be we all know it is Santa Cruz, CA.

So tonight it is just Garrett and me. We’re drinking virgin cocktails of fresh blood on ice with a sprig of mint and a dash of unsweetened cranberry juice. If you’re not a Vampire just try the cranberry juice and mix it with a little ginger ale with the mint. Good stuff (yes, we’re always thinking of keeping our Regular Human friends happy as you keep us.)

Garrett asked me what my favorite Vampire movie was. I don’t know. I don’t really like most Vampire movies (and don’t ask why. Just figure it out.) I guess Lost Boys. Then he asked about Werewolf movies. American Werewolf in London hands down winner. So what about Alien movies? Now that is a difficult one. I know Vampires and Werewolves but I don’t believe I’m ever met an alien (I’ve had my suspicions) but it would have to be District 9 and Close Encounters and ET and The Man Who Fell to Earth and Liquid Sky…but District 9 is brilliant.  And as everyone knows the one thing that gives me the hair stand up on the back of your neck willies is space aliens. It all started the first time I read War of the Worlds (when it first came out).






So we’re watching America’s Got Talent and so far we’re impressed with the judges. The ladies are great (Heidi and Mel are darling.) And we all adore Howard and Howie. And you all know I adore Nick  – he is as cute as my cat Oscar.



My cat Oscar (as a kitten)

My cat Oscar (as a kitten)








So on to the acts…

We have a lot of rattlesnakes around where we live so I wasn’t too impressed with the snake guy. In case you’re curious a snake popped a balloon. My girl cat Gloria could do that (but she won’t.)

The country singer was ok. I didn’t see him. Just heard him. Just ok. He will not always be on my mind.

CATAPULT – remember that name. They were wonderful. Dancers who told a great mystery story through shadows and body movements. WOW. Expect to see more of them in the future. They have my vote. And of course we all remember that silly sickening sweet shadow dance troop from last year. These guys take it to the next level without all the annoying kids.

The three guys who danced to Singing in the Rain were absolutely darling. Good job guys (I didn’t catch your name because I was petting the cat.)

The guy with the blow up doll (it isn’t what you think) was fun. I definitely want to see more of him. Another fun act was the kid with the hat.

They had to show Chuck from the Bronx because he was exceptionally stupid eating peppers and snorting salt and sucking eggs. He sucked more than eggs. He just sucked.

Ten year old Anna Christine sounded like a seasoned 25 year old professional – the girl could sing. Oh my goodness. The House of the Rising Sun no less. Wow. She was good – she was amazing.

The 3 Penny Choir and Orchestra was so much fun that we laughed out loud. The did the Call Me Maybe song as a classical number. That was FUN. Really FUN. I want to see/hear more. A lot more.

The Pacific Boys Choir was nice and sweet.

Special Head was a weird bit of smoke and mirrors. I didn’t like him. Neither did Garrett. And his name sounds sort of nasty and creepy.

And just as he finished up I noticed a huge raccoon out on the deck eating the dog food. I have to respect our nocturnal friends. Creatures of the night have a special place in my heart. It ran off as soon as I turned on the light. And yes, I brought in the food dish. Don’t need a critter party out there tonight,

So back to the show…

Angela Hoover did a fine job with her impressions and comedy. We want to see her again. I’d like to see more women in comedy. I’ve always thought it would be fun to do stand-up. It is one of my secret dream jobs.

Tone the one hit wonder reminded me of the scene in the movie the Proposal when the grandma and the boss lady were dancing around the fire. It was that bad and not funny or cute like the movie. It was stupid. Nooooooooooo.

So that is our review for tonight. Happy Tee Vee watching. We make no excuses here for any of our opinions, taste in entertainment or life choices. We are what we are and we like what we like.

After it was over Garrett said, “Maybe the Elders should be on America’s Got Talent. Their voices are amazing.”

“Not a good idea. They might tell everyone they’re Vampires.” I had to be honest about it. I never know what those two old Vampires might do.

Garrett smiled. “Sure Mom, but who would believe them?”

I had to laugh. “You have a point there darling.”

So tune in later for more on Vampire Maman!

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman