Vampire Nuts

Who is that knocking upon my door?

The black shroud of death

And doom

Covers his form

And hides all life

Within.

I wait,

For his embrace,

The cold kiss,

Silken lashes,

Claws down my back,

In bloody lines,

Of passion.

Who is that knocking upon my door?

Oh nuts!

Is it you?

 

Alright, that was cheerful. Now that you’re all in a scary mood let’s have some fun.

No, no, no, this isn’t one of those posts about the table set in the form of a man made out of sausage guts and gummy worm brains. Go to Pinterest for that kind of thing.

It isn’t about bat wings or eyes of newt boiling in a pot. I’m a Vampire, not a witch. I wouldn’t even know where to find a newt, but if I did I wouldn’t steal it’s dear little eyeballs.

I realize that a lot of Vampires just aren’t that into Halloween. People dress up like Vampires, but those who are Vampires sort of take it all in stride. It is what it is.

We’re more inclined to celebrate at Christmas time with twinkling lights in the dark, candles burning, and the scent of pine trees. We’ll take any chance to gather with goblets of wine and blood, and nights of wonder underneath the winter night skies.

I saw “we” as a whole. I love Halloween with a passion. It is a time to go nuts. Literally. And you know that one cannot live on blood alone. Really, seriously, one cannot live on just blood. Occasionally you have to have a bit of something else, so why not Vampire Nuts.

 

Vampire Nuts

Kids and adults like this mix. If teen boys are around I usually triple the recipe. You can use whatever kind of nuts you like. This is just a suggestion. If you’re good at this sort of thing play around with the flavors.

1½ cup hazelnuts (roasted)

½ cup pumpkin seeds (roasted)

1 cup whole cashews (roasted)

1/2 cup walnuts halves or pieces (roasted)

2 tablespoons finely chopped fresh sage

1 tablespoon finely chopped fresh thyme leaves

1 tablespoon finely chopped fresh rosemary leaves

1 teaspoon garlic powder

2 tablespoons Grade A maple syrup

¾ teaspoon cayenne pepper

1 teaspoon sea salt

½ teaspoon freshly ground black pepper

2 tsp powered blood (optional if you are a Vampire, otherwise leave it out or you’ll get grossed out – it adds a bit of bite to the nuts.)

1. Preheat the oven to 400°. In a medium bowl, combine the hazelnuts, pumpkin seeds, cashews, sage, thyme, maple syrup, cayenne pepper, sea salt and black pepper. Spread the mixture on a baking sheet or baking stone  and place in the oven. Bake, stirring occasionally, until browned and fragrant, about 15 minutes.

Note: If you are not using silicone bakeware spray the baking sheet or stone lightly with some sort of cooking oil spray. I usually use the olive oil kind. 

2. Remove from the oven when done and set aside to cool slightly. Serve warm or at room temperature.

Some people use Pumpkin Pie seasonings in place of the sage, thyme and rosemary. It is pretty good.

Watch carefully to make sure you don’t burn anything. Seriously, I’m serious about the burning nut thing. I can’t tell you how many people (Vampires and otherwise) have told me they burned this as black as coal.

Serve these with Poet’s Blood, your favorite red wine or Bourbon (or use your imagination.)

This Halloween have fun and be a little nuts. I know I’m going to be.

 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

 

 

Vampire Cocktails – Teddy’s almost complete list

Everyone loves cocktails – and nobody loves them better than my husband Teddy. Here are a few of our favorites you can enjoy! 

Note: Some of the recipes call for blood (yes, we’re Vampires). If you’re a regular human (non-vampire) it would be really gross for you soooooooooooo – replace “blood” with tomato juice, cranberry juice or orange juice. Just look at the recipe and see what sounds like a good fit – or just leave the blood out completely. It’s ok. We understand.

Hot and Spicy Cinnamon Vampire Cocktail

  • 3 shots Vodka (I like the kind in the blue bottle for mixed drinks)
  • 8 oz. Blood (splurge and make it human)
  • 1/4 tsp. Celery Salt
  • 1/4 tsp. Cinnamon
  • 1 whole Olive (garlic or pimento stuffed)
  • 1 dash Pepper, black
  • 1-2 dashes Pepper, cayenne
  • optional dash Salt
  • 1/4 tsp. Tobasco (you know the first batch ever made was made by Louisiana vampires!)
  • 1/4-1/2 tsp. Worchestershire

Pour it all over ice in a tall chilled glass. Stir. Enjoy!

If you aren’t a vampire replace the blood with tomato juice or V8.

—————————————-

Blood Sucker

  • 1 cup ice
  • 1 1/2 ounces gin
  • 1/2 ounce cherry-flavored brandy
  • 1/4 ounce triple sec
  • 1/4 ounce blood (your choice)
  • 4 ounces pineapple juice
  • 1/2 ounce lime juice
  • 1/2 ounce grenadine syrup
  • 1 cup ice
  • 1 slice fresh pineapple
  • 1 maraschino cherry

If you aren’t a vampire replace the blood with pineapple juice (or more gin).

————————————————————————–

Vampire Head Rush

  • 2 oz Bourbon
  • 12 oz Dark Beer (Teddy Suggests something like Downtown Brown)
  • 2 oz Blood
  • Pour all in a tall glass over ice.

Clara calls it a head rush because she says it looks like something out of a toilet. Middle School humor.

Oh well. 

If you aren’t a vampire leave out the blood.

————————————————————————-

Werewolf on the Rocks

  • 3 oz Bourbon
  • Splash of dry Vermouth
  • Splash of Orange Juice
  • A twist of lemon peel
  • Pour over frozen blood balls (ice cubes made from blood poured and frozen in cute little shapes)

If you aren’t a vampire make ice cubes out of orange or cranberry juice (yum).

———————————————————————–

Vampire Iced Tea

  • 1 gallon water
  • 12-15 tea bags – any flavor you want. We like a nice strong black tea with a touch of fruit in it. Lady Earl Gray works well. Put tea bags and water in a jar. Put it outside in the sun for about 2-3 hours to brew. Don’t put it on the grass – it won’t get hot enough. A drive way or deck works best.
  • 1 jar (32 oz) of unsweetened Cranberry Juice (we like Trader Joes)
  • 12 oz blood
  • Artificial sweetener of your choice to taste (remember dear human visitors that we don’t handle sugar well)
  • Mix it all up and pour over ice with a sprig of mint and a sprig of rosemary.
  • Adults – add a large slosh of Vodka or Bourbon to the mix for some extra punch to this punch!

If you aren’t a vampire replace the blood with more cranberry juice, orange juice or more vodka.

——————————————————————

Vampire Nuts

Kids and adults like this mix. If teen boys are around I usually triple the recipe.

  • 1½ cup hazelnuts (roasted)
  • ½ cup pumpkin seeds (roasted)
  • 1 cup whole cashews (roasted)
  • 1/2 cup walnuts halves or pieces (roasted)
  • 2 tablespoons finely chopped fresh sage
  • 1 tablespoon finely chopped fresh thyme leaves
  • 1 tablespoon finely chopped fresh rosemary leaves
  • 2 tablespoons Grade A maple syrup
  • ¾ teaspoon cayenne pepper
  • 1 teaspoon sea salt
  • ½ teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
  • 2 tsp powered blood (optional – be I recommend – it adds a bit of bite to the nuts)

1. Preheat the oven to 400°. In a medium bowl, combine the hazelnuts, pumpkin seeds, cashews, sage, thyme, maple syrup, cayenne pepper, sea salt and black pepper. Spread the mixture on a baking sheet or stone (I like using my stone) and place in the oven. Bake, stirring occasionally, until browned and fragrant, about 15 minutes.

2. Remove from the oven and set aside to cool slightly. Serve warm or at room temperature.

If you aren’t a vampire leave out the powdered blood.

———————————————————————————

And the perfect cocktail to go with those nuts is…

Nocturnal Summer Cooler

  • 6 limes
  • 1 cup packed mint leaves, no stems, plus 6 sprigs for garnish
  • 3 unwaxed cucumbers
  • ½ cup sugar
  • 2 cups gin (we like the kind in the green bottle)
  • 1 cup purified blood
  • Sparkling water

1. Thinly slice 3 limes and place in a pitcher. Juice the rest and add juice to pitcher. Add mint leaves. Slice 2 cucumbers and add, then add sugar. Stir. Add gin. Place in refrigerator  30 minutes or longer.

2. Peel remaining cucumber and cut lengthwise into 6 spears.

3. Fill 6 highball or other large glasses with ice. Strain mixture from pitcher into each. Top with a splash of sparkling water, garnish each glass with a sprig of mint and a cucumber spear, and serve. You can also garnish with a sprig of rosemary for a more savory taste.

If you aren’t a vampire replace the blood with your favorite juice (we like cranberry or blueberry)

And as always, don’t drink and drive!

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Another Scary Night of America’s Got Talent with Vampire Iced Tea

UPDATE: Our votes went to…

CMYK

The Olate Dogs

They were exceptional groups and it will be INSANE if they don’t go through.

And

In a tie the Parrot Guy Clint and Tim the singer (we gave them a few votes too)

Nobody else compared to the top two. Were those dogs cute or what????

We’re watching America’s Got Talent tonight!

We’ve got a full house tonight. Cody our Vampire in training is still here (his girlfriend might have to be terminated for her lies and lack of respect for Vampires but we aren’t going to tell him). My great great great great grandmamma Lola is here (she is under the weather and needs some care and rest in a family setting – the woman is amost 900 years old), my kids, our Vampire friends their two teens and of course my husband Teddy who will be making his famous Vampire cocktails.

The countdown is here for the next final three!

Who is on tonight that we might consider voting for:

TOP PICK: David Garibaldi and his CMYK’s

Second: Jacob Williams – Comic

Everyone else is ok but not great so we’ll give them a chance and see what they have to offer tonight.

  • Clint Carvalho – the guy with the cute white bird.
  • Live Wire Theater – more light show stuff
  • Olate Dogs – Cute cute cute dogs
  • Shanice & Maurice Hayes – heart warming father and daughter act
  • Magic of Puck – small magic
  • Tim  Hockenberry – Singer – he is very very good and I should have moved him to the top of this list. One of those soulful gravel and bourbon voices.

Who is on tonight that we WILL NOT vote for and why:

Sebastien El Chario – the kids can’t sing and the big band behind him is creepy. Yes, he is sort of cute and can hold a note for a long time (bet he is a good swimmer) BUT THE KID CAN’T SING ON KEY. And every song sounds the same for Pete’s Sake!!!!

 

All That – Guys who clog. If a dozen really good dance groups were voted off then this group of ok cloggers should be voted off too. They are nice guys but my teens think they are creepy and making fools of themselves.

The Untouchables: Teens and adults in my house can’t stand them. A lot of little kids wildly dancing in technical perfection BUT the girls are made up to be a bunch of little SLUTS. I don’t think anyone (except sick bastards that need to be burned alive) wants to see small girls shake their butts and breastless chests like strippers. It is vulgar and shows everything that is wrong with our world and the sexualization of girls.

But wait…there’s more…

As always, Teddy is mixing up something good in the kitchen. Cold drinks for a hot night (I can’t wait until Fall gets here but that won’t be until after Halloween!)

Vampire Iced Tea

  • 1 gallon water
  • 12-15 tea bags – any flavor you want. We like a nice strong black tea with a touch of fruit in it. Lady Earl Gray works well. Put tea bags and water in a jar. Put it outside in the sun for about 2-3 hours to brew. Don’t put it on the grass – it won’t get hot enough. A drive way or deck works best.
  • 1 jar (32 oz) of unsweetened Cranberry Juice (we like Trader Joes)
  • 12 oz blood
  • Artificial sweetener of your choice to taste (remember dear human visitors that we don’t handle sugar well)
  • Mix it all up and pour over ice with a sprig of mint and a sprig of rosemary.
  • Adults – add a large slosh of Vodka or Bourbon to the mix for some extra punch to this punch!

This has always been a traditional family favorite of ours. And don’t forget the nuts to go with it!

You’d think we watch TV all the time but THIS (ATG) is the only reality show we watch. OK I have caught the kids watching 16 and Stupid, excuse me 16 and Pregnant, and those shows about a horrible woman named Snookie and her friends. Honestly I didn’t know humans had evolved to exist without brains. I tell the kids to turn it off.

What we DO watch:

Grimm – because it is so good

Breaking Bad – not the kids, we don’t let them watch it.

Burn Notice: Don’t even ask. But this season wasn’t that great. Hmmmm.

I’m sort of bored with everything else. We like nature shows and science stuff and we love movies. My husband watches anything with sports or antiques or wild places. But I AM bored with TV. Maybe the new fall season will bring more stuff that I like as much as I like Grimm.

So I’ll post more tomorrow on the results (no doubt we’ll be pissed off or at least I’ll be pissed…and if you watch it don’t forget to vote for someone GOOD).

~ Juliette (who is hot and cranky and waiting for cool weather).

America’s Got Talent and Vampire Nuts (Wild Card Night – Sweet Goth guy is back and so is the lame nuts guy)

UPDATE – WEDNESDAY AUGUST 22.

We might just have to STOP watching this show. I can’t believe the STUPID choices. Really the kid  who can’t sing on tune? Really the clogging guys with the high voices? REALLY? I am so disgusted. My kids are screaming at the TV. Enough of humans…gotta get back to Vampire stuff.

Tonight will be Wild Card night on America’s Got Talent! So we’ll have nuts that aren’t lame (like that weird guy they keep bringing back) and cocktails!

The kids are excited because Andrew De Leon the sweet Goth guy is back. I can’t say who is going to make it because some of our favorites might just blow it like they did the last time they performed. But it will be fun to see them all back – with the exception of Horse the guy who likes to have his balls kicked. Yes, there are a few others as well who I can’t stand but I’ll keep my comments to myself.

Of course this is just another excuse to have Vampire friends over. I know it is a school night, but we’re doing cocktails and planning our next Vampire Hunter seminar tonight too.
So who will be on tonight?

Andrew De Leon: The Goth boy who sings opera.

All That – Guys who clog dance. I hope they don’t blow it with stupid looking shirts this time (like they did last time)

Bandbaz Brothers – Acrobats. Sweet guys.

Ben Blaque – Exceptionally good-looking guy with his lovely sister – and he does archery. We like him a lot.

Chris Sandu – Stands on things that are easily tipped over.

Horse – a horse’s ass how likes to be hit in the crotch. This isn’t a talent – it is a sickness.

Jake Wesley Rogers – A very tall young singer with a unique sense of style. I believe this kid is only 14 but you wouldn’t know by looking at him. I think he is much better than the other piano playing boy who has already been put through.

Jarrett & Raja – Magicians. Cute couple.

Lindsey Norton – Beautiful young dancer. I’m so glad to see her back!

Spenser Horsman – Escape Artist

Sebastien El Charro do Oro – a child who sings with a back-up band. It is obvious that his parents spent a lot of money getting this act together. Cute the first time but he sings the same every single time. He is loud and can hold a note but not that great. There are better kids in the competition.

Todd Oliver – The guy with the talking dogs. LOVE the dog!

So on with the show or more important snacks and drinks!

Vampire Nuts

Kids and adults like this mix. If teen boys are around I usually triple the recipe.

1½ cup hazelnuts (roasted)

½ cup pumpkin seeds (roasted)

1 cup whole cashews (roasted)

1/2 cup walnuts halves or pieces (roasted)

2 tablespoons finely chopped fresh sage

1 tablespoon finely chopped fresh thyme leaves

1 tablespoon finely chopped fresh rosemary leaves

2 tablespoons Grade A maple syrup

¾ teaspoon cayenne pepper

1 teaspoon sea salt

½ teaspoon freshly ground black pepper

2 tsp powered blood (optional – be I recommend – it adds a bit of bite to the nuts)

1. Preheat the oven to 400°. In a medium bowl, combine the hazelnuts, pumpkin seeds, cashews, sage, thyme, maple syrup, cayenne pepper, sea salt and black pepper. Spread the mixture on a baking sheet or stone (I like using my stone) and place in the oven. Bake, stirring occasionally, until browned and fragrant, about 15 minutes.

2. Remove from the oven and set aside to cool slightly. Serve warm or at room temperature.

And the perfect cocktail to go with those nuts is…

Nocturnal Summer Cooler

6 limes
1 cup packed mint leaves, no stems, plus 6 sprigs for garnish
3 unwaxed cucumbers
½ cup sugar
2 cups gin (we like the kind in the green bottle)
1 cup purified blood
Sparkling water.

1. Thinly slice 3 limes and place in a pitcher. Juice the rest and add juice to pitcher. Add mint leaves. Slice 2 cucumbers and add, then add sugar. Stir. Add gin. Place in refrigerator  30 minutes or longer.

2. Peel remaining cucumber and cut lengthwise into 6 spears.

3. Fill 6 highball or other large glasses with ice. Strain mixture from pitcher into each. Top with a splash of sparkling water, garnish each glass with a sprig of mint and a cucumber spear, and serve. You can also garnish with a sprig of rosemary for a more savory taste.
So have fun and check back for updates tomorrow to see WHO GETS PICKED! Don’t forget to vote (we vote online at nbc.com).

And no we’re not paid to plug this show. We just do it for kicks and grins.