2013 New Year’s Resolutions for Parents

blu butterfly

I’m ending the year with resolutions, not just for my family but resolutions I hope all parents try to follow.

There are three words we should say to our kids every single day: I love you.

Three additional words we should always keep in mind: Love, Listen, Learn.

So with that note, here are my 2013 New Year’s Resolutions for Parents

Resolutions for ALL Parents:

  • Listen to your children with an open mind and an open heart.
  • Guide your children with wisdom and respect rather than force.
  • Talk to your kids. I’ll say it again TALK to your kids. Not AT your kids but TO your kids. This means conversations – yes, actual conversations. Talk WITH them.
  • Every single day ask your child/teen “How was your day?” and don’t take “OK”, “Fine” or any sort of grunt for an answer. Make your kid answer you in at least 25 words.
  • Don’t use your child as a tool to hurt your former spouse or other family member. If you need to CONTROL your situation or hurt someone keep CHILDREN out of it. Get professional help for your control and anger issues. No child deserves to be used as a tool of hurt.
  • Laugh with your child.
  • Know who your child is hanging out with. Start this early so by the time your kid is a teen he’ll know who is a good friend and who is not.
  • Teach your child that it is an honor to care about others.
  • Teach your child to love animals. That doesn’t mean you have to have 347 cats, a rabbit, a pony and 34 dogs. It means that creatures (even those we eat) should be respected and cared for.
  • Don’t dress your kid funny.

Resolutions for YOU:

  • Get enough sleep.
  • Don’t worry about those “super moms” who volunteer 60 hours every week at school, make organic gluten free cupcakes that would put Martha Stewart to shame, go to all the latest parenting classes, are into all the latest health and nutrition trends, have kids who are perfect etc etc etc. What to know a secret? They aren’t perfect. They might be control freaks, or bored or just plain annoying to the rest of us who ARE GOOD PARENTS. Every family is different and we all have different parenting styles. Don’t compare yourself to anybody else.
  • Get your nails done (HA HA HA. Maybe twice a year for me if I’m lucky. I wish but it keeps slipping off of my radar).

Resolutions for Vampire Parents:

  • Teach your children to accept themselves for what they are.
  • Teach your children to be responsible for what they are.
  • Teach them the history and lore.
  • Teach them the difference between popular culture and reality.
  • Tell them NOT to try to read their teacher’s mind. Come on now kids, school is for learning and learning to learn. Don’t use your Vampire abilities to get into the minds of others to get good grades. You need to get those grades on your own.


End of the Year Top Lists…Short List from your favorite parenting and tall tale blog: Vampire Maman

The end of the year is here and I don’t have any lists. OK I’m making this quick so we can all get back to what we were doing.

OK Best new movie I saw in 2012…I saw a lot of movies I like but YOU MUST SEE Moonrise Kingdom. You must see Loopers. If you have a daughter, especially if you’re a mom watch Brave with her.

Best Book: I read a gazillion books this year. Most were good (a few were horrible). The best was the Orphan Master by Jean Zimmerman. A murder mystery in 1600’s New Amsterdam (that’s right folks, the new world and there are horrible scary things, great characters and wonderful writing).

The best cocktail: Ice, 3 large olives, juice from half a lemon, vodka (to cover ice). Let sit for about 5 minutes and drink. Make sure it is decent vodka. I like the kind in the blue bottle.

Best Person to Get Blood From: My friend and every other Friday lunch date Jack. He is always on time, always up for good conversation, always happy to see me, and always yummy.  And I always bring him cookies!

My top blog posts of 2012 (from my blog):

Note: I posted over 300 posts this year and there were so many more I’d like to list as favorites…so check out as many as you can just for kicks and grins. This was an adventure and I hope to bring you more adventures, sound parenting advice, tall tales, stories of mystery and romance, poetry, guest bloggers and more in the coming year.

Happy New Year. I’m always open to suggestions for blog subjects (on parenting/books/poetry etc). I’m always open for new movies (and old), new books (and old). I’m open to a lot of things.

But right now I’m mainly open for all of you to have a wonderful 2013 – may the tides turn in the right direction. May all your nights be quiet and calm. May all your moons be full. And may all your night hunts be a delight!

friday stars


Juliette aka Vampire Maman


Musings on Sleep, Jealousy and Ghosts


It is like the ghost that haunts me

Only worse.

The ghost will listen to me.

Sleep never does.

She taunts me

Like a woman who wants to seduce my husband.

She gives him slumbers so peaceful

So silent and lovely.

She taunts me and pulls my dreams to tattered bits

Then keeps me awake for days on end.

My slumbers end in a dark prison room

Always cold

Always alone

Always awake.

We’re not  friends Sleep and I.

I used to think it was my nocturnal nature,

But now I know it is because

Sleep hates me for something I did

In the past 

And fired up her jealous heart

To the point where she is only thinking of revenge.


I fixed a pot of coffee,

As the ghost said “Sleep doesn’t give a crap what you do Vampire. You’re too busy and you drink too much coffee.”

Maybe so but I’m not going to admit anything to a ghost.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Coming soon my BEST lists of 2012 which might not seem that good but I liked them.

dark room

Sex, drugs, and I don’t want it to be my teen…

Every parent dreads those late night knocks on the door. Of course in my household, at least for the past year, there have been so many people in and out that my house is more like Grand Central Station, but back to the story…

Last night at 2 a.m. the door bell chimed. We were up. Teddy watching some sort of antiques show.  I was reading.  13 year old Clara was hooked into the electronic world of teens, Skyping some kids who should have been in bed. It was an uneventful night at the Vampire family home. 16 year old Garrett was up at my brother’s cabin with his cousin Laurel (21 year old Stanford student and responsible) and her friends.

The door bell chimed. Teddy and I answered. There before us stood a huge young Vampire. Not huge as in fat, but huge as in 6”4’ with massive shoulders, not to mention a grim look on his face that would Hell over if he had a chance. “We brought Garrett home.”

Behind stood my niece with her arm wrapped around Garrett’s waist. My son looked like death warmed over.

“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry Aunt Juliette,” my niece began to chant over and over.

The large young friend and Laurel moved Garrett inside and to the couch in the living room. I went to my son who was mostly asleep and holding his head.

“I’m John Hawk”, said the giant young Vampire. I recognized the family name. “Garrett ingested blood contaminated with opiates and alcohol. That was on top of drinking alcohol. He had a bad reaction.”

“We brought him home right away. I’m so sorry.” It was Laurel again looking like she was going to cry.

“What happened?” Teddy asked looking about as grim as a Vampire or a parent could look.

“I don’t know. I heard some noise and went into the loft of the cabin. There he was on the bed with three girls, regular humans, no Vampires. They were all over him like the brides of Dracula. He’d been feeding on at least one of them. She’d take codeine for a broken wrist. They were all drinking.”

“Three girls?”

“They were naked and all over him. He had his jeans on. I don’t know if anything happened but he was out of it by the time I got there.”

“And they call us predators.” Teddy said it under his breath but I know he wanted to yell.

We got Garrett up to his bed. Next we talked with Laurel and her friend John. It was innocent enough. Laurel failed to mention there would be a house full of horny young college girls. Garrett and Laurel had begged us to let Garrett go along. Bad choice as parents. Bad choice for Garrett.

It was something that young people do – they make bad choices.

After Laurel and John left I talked with Teddy. We wondered what these girls had done with Garrett. Had our careful romantic son lost his virginity so a bunch of party animals? Had he exposed himself to discovery? There were a million things. More than anything it just made us sad.

Then there was Clara. She’d heard everything. I know 13 year old girls are more grown up now than they used to be but for her to see her brother like that was awful. Would she respect him? Would she think it was funny? Would she be upset for days, months or years about this?

What she said to me later was that John was really good looking and that Garrett was an idiot, but she was glad he didn’t have sex with any of those girls.

I called my brother Aaron who listened quietly as I told him that I thought there would be responsible adults at the cabin. Of course Aaron had no idea there would be a party of students, 8 regular humans with only two young Vampires and no older adults (as in parents).

I don’t even know where the moral of this story is except, make sure you know exactly who you teens are going to be with when they leave home. They are still teens – as in still kids. As in your children. No matter how grown up they seem, they are still not adults.

No matter how miserable you make them, they still need to be monitored. Not sheltered or over protected but monitored and guided.

More than anything just listen to them and love them.

Garrett is doing fine now and feeling stupid and guilty (mostly thanks to his 13 year old sister telling him how upset mom and dad are). Garrett and his dad had a long conversation about women. No need to go into details there.

So again, watch, live, learn and love. And protect. Teens are not adults even if they think they are. They still need us. They’ll always need us.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Just like any other normal family…

Vampire dog

We’re just like any other family…only we’re vampires.

You’d think that we sit around in black as creatures of the night and talk of blood lust and write dark poetry. No such luck. We’re parents.

Teddy is doing plumbing today. The shower head in our bathroom is leaking. I took the kids out shopping, not to the big mall but somewhere else with sort of the same stores but no so crowded. They have gift cards to use and sales to see. We came back with a successful haul and not too much black. Not any black this time and nothing too tight either.

I’m sensitive to the teens wearing black. They brush it off as my over sensitivity to the whole Vampire thing. I just like to see my children in other colors. I wear a lot of black but I’m an adult. I know, I know, everyone gives me a bad time about being so picky about what my kids wear. But they have their share of band shirts from Hot Topics and concerts. They need something “nice” or at least nicer.

Yes, it would be lovely to live in a castle and stand on the top with the wind through my hair, a violin playing in the background, my velvet dress blowing in the wind, my human lover waiting inside for me to ravish with waiting neck, and a line of wee bats waiting at the window, and don’t forget wolves guarding my door ready to do my bidding.

But I can stand on the back porch of my house and look at the moon with my husband inside fixing the plumbing, me in my sweater and jeans, my cats sitting in the window and the dog curled up on her bed in front of the TV and my kids watching Youtube and laughing so hard they want to pee their pants.

Later if we’re not too beat the husband can put his arms around me and nip my neck, while in my head I’m making a list of the 35 million things I have to do this week while the kids are still off from school.

Like a lot of moms I sometimes feel like a zombie has eaten my brain because I’m just so busy and moving on auto pilot 24/7.

We do have plans for New Years Eve. That is always a big day for Vampires. And yes, we will be dressing up and living the good life of Vampires on the hunt for the night.

In the meantime we’ll be like any other middle class suburban family, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman


zombie baby and cat


FREE DECEMBER 26, 2012 Creepies – Tales From Beneath the Bed


Creepies – Tales From Beneath the Bed


A New Horror Classic!




Looking for a little hair raising fun? Download this wonderfully creepy, scary and fun anthology from the WPAD group.

A desperate father, on the run with his daughter reveals a terrifying truth about his child… Who is the bogeyman, really? Hear the real story – directly

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Creepies: Twisted Tales From Beneath the Bed.

This creepy collection of short stories by various authors is a fundraiser for Multiple Sclerosis, in support of one of our writers, who lives with MS. 50% of all royalties will be donated to MS research.


Creepies: Twisted Tales From Beneath the Bed [Kindle Edition]

Marla Todd (Author), J. Harrison Kemp (Author), Nathan Tackett (Author), Mandy White (Author), Zoltana (Author), A.K. Wallace (Author), David W. Stone(Author)