Christmas Haunting with My Ghost of Christmas Present

I was out before the sun came up walking the dog. It was cold and foggy and beautiful. My mind is on good cheer, family, friends and a wonderful glowing sense of contentment. That didn’t last for long. Of course it was that damn ghost.

I suddenly was walking along side of me looking me up and down like I was a prime rib.

“Look at you all decked out in black like a perfect little Vampire,” he said with a slight snarl.

“My jeans are blue asshole,” I snarled back.

He was wearing a green tweed coat with a great red scarf. I have no idea why because ghosts don’t get cold. I could see his girlfriend (another ghost) dancing on the trail ahead of us wearing a red elf dress trimmed in red fur complete with a Santa cap and high black fur trimmed boots, and gloves.

The ghost walked backwards in front of me. “You’ve been a very bad girl Juliette. I can smell the blood of last night’s hunt on your breath. How does it feel to be a thief who steals from the bodies of others?”

The night before I did spend some time with a few blood donors – a couple of hip young men who owned their own successful graphic design and web business. I got what I needed and they’ll feel happy and content for the next two weeks.

“It’s a win-win situation ghost. Don’t get on your high horse and rat on me.”

“You’re so undead.”

“I’m very much alive. You are the one who is dead. What horrible thing did you do to be a ghost?”

“I was murdered. So was she.” He motioned to the ghostly girl 40 feet ahead of us who was singing Christmas songs.

“Oh, I’m sorry.” I wanted to tell him that I bet he deserved it, but I doubted that. Being a ghost makes one quite bitter, but still, there is no excuse for his rudeness.

“It’s ok.”

“What are you doing for Christmas?” I asked knowing that ghosts never answer questions like that.

“Do me a favor Juliette.” He looked at me with harsh judging eyes. “Don’t do any hunting on Christmas.”

“Of course not.” I said, wishing my dog would growl or bark or do something. No she likes the ghost. All dogs like ghosts. Go figure.

“I have another thing to say.” He looked at me again but this time with a more gentle expression. “I would have thought that Vampires would be horrible parents. You know, the kind that spawn their kids then send them off flying like little bats. That or you’d bring them human babies to chew on and keep them in dark basements teaching them blood lust and how to bring terror to the world. I’ll have to admit that I was wrong on every point. You might be a Vampire but you’re a damn good mother. Your kids are great. You should be proud, not just of your offspring but of yourself. I wish I’d had a mother like you.”

“I am proud of my children. I take parenting seriously.”  I have to admit I was profoundly touched by his words.

“You even write a blog about your parenting thoughts.” He said with a twinkle in his eye.

“That too.” I said surprised he knew.

“It’s a stupid blog.” He put his head back and laughed about his insult. I wondered that he might be right.

“Go away.” I said to the ghost.

“Merry Christmas Vampire Mom.”

“Merry Christmas Ghost.”

And then he and his elf girl ghost vanished into the fog as the sun came over the hills in the distance.

 

Merry Christmas to all,

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

time for christmas

Vampire Maman’s thoughts on Santa and Kids (and believing in magic)

I saw a blog post titled something like “How to tell your child that there is no Santa.”  WTF???? And there were point by point directions on how to do so. Really? Yes, really.

As a parent I was horrified and disgusted. Who would actually sit down and tell their child that there is no Santa?  Hasn’t that blogger ever watched Miracle on 34th Street? Has she no heart? Is she just plain mean and weird? Does she have no holiday spirit? Is she without imagination? Has she no joy in her soul? Does she have a soul?

 

Things you sit down and talk to your children about:

  • Sex
  • Drugs
  • Relationships
  • School
  • Responsiblity
  • Reputation

 

What you DO NOT have A TALK with your kids about:

  • The virtues of no imagination
  • The virtues of no fun
  • The virtues of dullness
  • The virtues of a humorless existence
  • The virtues of boring
  • The virtues of nit picking
  • The virtues of being MEAN

 

I know, I know, the dark Vampire bitch is coming out tonight…sorry…but you know how it is with me sometimes. I’m a mom. Mom’s have to believe in magic. We have to believe in imagination. We have to believe in FUN. Otherwise why be a parent at all? Right?

Besides ALL Vampires KNOW there IS a Santa. We’re creatures of the night so we’re up all night. We see those reindeer. We see the fat man. We’ve been seeing him for hundreds of years.

Nuff said.

 

And to all a good night!

~ Juliette

Holiday Kisses with Vampires

We’re literally wrapping it up at the Vampire Maman household.

Wishing you all a very merry Yule Season! Hugs and kisses (until you’ve been kissed by a Vampire you don’t know what you’re missing…)

In case you missed all the fa-la-la-la-la below are links to my most popular holiday posts:

 

 

 

Snow Girl

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Vampires and Photographs – Reflections on Images

My daughter asked me “What’s up with the myth that Vampires don’t show up in photographs?”

My kids are of an age where everything in the universe is digital and immediate. She is also in a world where Vampire teens are engulfed in popular culture about Vampires. Yes, this is a challenge for all Vampire parents because our kids are, well, different that other teens.

OK so let’s get back to the question. What’s up with the myth that Vampires don’t show up in photographs?

We DO show up. It IS a myth. So is the one about mirrors. We show up.

The reason you don’t see us in photographs is because we are around for a long long long long time. For example: If my mom showed up in photographs from 1843 – 2012 her image, her face, the same face would be in ALL of those photos. That same face that looks like the same lovely 36 year old woman. Only the clothing and hairstyles have changed. After a while someone would put two and two together and we’d be busted big time.

We DO show up in photographs but we’re careful about when and where we are photographed. It’s common sense.

The myth comes from silver.

First of all if someone hits me in the heart or brain with a silver bullet it will do serious damage. Same goes for anyone, no matter what you are (regular human, werewolf, goblin, whatever). If you stab me with a silver fork it will seriously piss me off but not kill me.

To make a long and stupid story short: At one time in history, silver was thought to be “pure” or something like that. So since “Vampires” were unpure (not true but I shall continue with MY version of the story) silver would of course kill Vampires.

Mirrors and photographic processes used silver. That made some people reason that silver and Vampires don’t mix SO the properties of the silver will reject the images of a Vampire. Yep, there is some really great scientific reasoning going on there.

So what about reflections in water or windows? What about digital photography? We reflect. We also ponder, muse, wonder, and think about these things but as artists and for heaven’s sake, look at how many times your teen takes photos of herself. It is mind boggling – and all of us Vampire parents know that our kids DO show up on Instagram and Facebook and YouTube and everywhere else looking like regular kids.

So anyway, now you know.

 

SAY CHEESE!

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

threegirlsinhats

Winter Wonderland in Red, Orange and Purple

There is something magical about the first light of dawn, especially in the winter.

It doesn’t snow where I live, and if it does snow the flakes fall for a few minutes and only stay on the ground for an hour or two. A few years ago the kids were so excited because the school ground was covered with white. They’ll both be out of college before they see that again. We can see the mountains in the distance blanked with snow. A 45 minute drive and we could build a snowman and name him Parson Brown.

But winter brings another magic and beauty. The oak trees are like black lace against the rainbow light of dawn. Birds take flight – geese, ducks, gulls, doves, tiny song birds – the variety is endless. Deer and coyote walk along the edge of the neighborhood and drink from the lake.

It is the time when the dog walkers come out with coffee cups in hand.

For me the dawn isn’t a time for sleeping, it is a time for beauty and quiet time and reflection on a new day. I know, that sound like so much sentimental goo, but it’s true. Even a skeptical old heart like mine is still swept away by the first light of dawn and the crisp cold winter air.

I’m hard wired to be a nocturnal creature but I’ve embraced the dawn. Living as modern Vampires (yes, this is musing of a Vampire Mom) we have come to embrace the light and the comforts of life with the other creatures we share this world with, those of both night and day.

Happy Holidays and yes, today isn’t the end (it’s 12-21-12), the photo I took this morning with my phone at the end of my street shows that it is just the beginning.

~ Juliette

Dawn on the lake

Many thanks to my fellow bloggers!

To all of my blogging friends…

Thank you for following. Thank you for your support. Thank you for being part of my blogging community.

Most of all thank you for writing all of your wonderful blogs and keeping me entertained and inspired!

This year has been a remarkable journey for me as Vampire Maman. I couldn’t have done it without your support and fellowship, even if it was just a “like” or adding me to our follow list.

As a THANK YOU…I’ve created a graphic that you can use on your blog, if you want, to show how much I like you.

Feel free to use it on your blog to show you have a fan, pass it on, even crop out my name. Have fun! And thank again for dropping by!

 

award