AGT and Cocktails IS BACK! 8-19-2014

Every summer we hunker down on the couch on Tuesday and Wednesday nights for America’s Got Talent. My husband used to hate the show but now he watches it with us. But there is an addition… we’re not drinking Snapple. Teddy makes cocktails.

I’m bringing this feature back from time to time, maybe two or three more times this season out of tradition. This was one of the features that got this silly blog going. I don’t know if it was for AGT or Teddy’s Cocktails or just people wondering WTF when they saw I was posting a “Vampire Parenting Blog.” Who knows, be we’re all here now. We’re still here, and I’m glad that a lot of you are still here after my first year and now onto my third year of vampiremaman.com.

Warning the following blog is extremely opinionated and don’t try to push me in a correct moral direction according to whatever. I’m a Vampire. This is a flippin talent show on TV. I don’t care. Get over it. We might not agree but this is my blog.

As for the rest of you… Big group hug. I’m glad you’re here. On with the show!

So far this year it has been a sort of mild mixed bag. There was that prissy annoying asshat who was bound and determined to give rollerskating a bad name. The kids immediately took a dislike to him. THANK GOD he was voted off the show. I hope the door slammed him in the ass on the way out.

There was that pathetic girl who used “mental illness” as her reason to get votes. My teens informed me that she performs all over the place and has all kinds of fans without the “my mental illness” pity party going on. Don’t get me wrong – I am a STRONG advocate of mental health education, support and understanding. THAT is why I don’t like it when I see people use it as a marketing ploy. She exploited the audience with her sob story in a cold calculated way that made me sick. The girl couldn’t sign worth a shit either.

I am also tired of the endless parade of children being whipped into shape to salsa dance for egotistical sadistic dance studio owners. Does anyone else see the exploitation of these kids not to mention sexploitation. I have no problems with the other children on the show. All (except that annoying piano brat boy who had marginal piano skills) have been exceptionally sweet, cute and talented. I wish them all the best.

This year there are no big stand out acts like Prince Poppycock. Everyone is pretty tame, but fun. It is all fun. If it wasn’t we would be watching it. Yes, it is silly. One can only be serious for so many hours of each week. One can only read so many literary novels, only listen to so much smooth jazz or only watch so much Charlie Rose.

Alright then, now on to the show and cocktails! Let’s have some wholesome family fun.

Cocktails first…

Summertime Vampire Lemonade

  • 2/3 strawberry lemonade
  • 1/3 vodka
  • Enough ice to cover
  • Mix
  • Let it chill for a minute
  • Enjoy

If you want blood in your drink I recommend a nice chilled Marin County Mystery Writer Blood. Dave’s Wine & Blood is having a sale this week if you get a case.

Cheers!

Cheers!

 

So far our favorite acts are:

WAIT… I like all of them, except for two of them (the salsa sleaze and the weird girl who do acrobatics to her own drawings)  But if I had to pick so far…

  • Sons of Serendip
  • Blue… oh you know, the dancers (Look it up. They’re great)
  • David & Leeman
  • Miguel Dakota
  • Mat Franco
  • Emily West
  • Audrey Moran
  • Christer Stoiney and his cute little dog
  • And all the rest except the two mentioned above that I don’t like. As you know I’m usually extremely opinionated about this stuff but I enjoyed watching them all.

 

We’ll see who wins tonight’s show. I’ll share a few comments from the peanut gallery.

Here we go….so many dance troops and singers tonight.

Bad Boys of Ballet

  • 6 guys. 1 girl. I like this group. They can DANCE and they are entertaining to watch. 

Dom the Bombs Triple Treat

  • They’re so cute but kind of missed the mark tonight. They’re still cute. I doubt if we’ll see them again. Oh well. It was fun. They’re good kids.

Emil and Dariel

  • Two brothers who play the cello. They are wonderful. More than wonderful. I love these guys. The teens in the room loved them. They’re cute, sweet, talented and have a darling grandpa. A truly wonderful story and a great act. I’d love to see them win. They got a lot of votes from this group.

Extreme

  • Technically good but boring. I’d seen this before and before and before. Most high schools have dance groups like this. It was good but not a million dollar act. It was a basic cheer routine. 

Jonah Smith

  • He sang “Stay with Me.”  The peanut gallery all said it was better than the original. He was wonderful. I’d buy his album. Johah you’re wonderful. You rock. You deserve it. Johah got a lot of votes from this group.

Jonathan Riqulme

  • Good act. Dangerous. Some here got bored. But he was very good.

Keli Glover

  • Keli Glover was on several years back. Didn’t realize that this is a talent show. A show. One contest. She should have followed her dream. She is hanging all of her hopes on this. Can’t do that baby. Keli Glover looked beautiful (but her dress did not fit well at all.) She has a beautiful voice. I don’t think she’ll win. She isn’t unique enough. I hope she does well, gets a gig, gets on YouTube, tours with someone big. You never know. I just don’t think she’ll win this one.

Mothmen Dance

  • Comments included; I kind of like it. They’re all wearing their shirts – that is good. I like it. Not too busy. Not tons of people. Different. It could have been a little more campy. Of course they don’t get as many cheers as the boy who can’t sing. This is fun. A lot of fun. 

Nina Durri

  • Even the Vampires think this girl is creepy. The music and her act was just creepy. Yes, she does amazing things with her body but we had to fast forward. I wish her luck but it isn’t for us.

One Voice Children’s Choir

  • A cute group of kids. Most of them can sing. Of course they sang a song from Frozen. BUT… I don’t like choirs like this unless I know the kids or it is a live program. The front kids could sing a bit, but every school has a group this good or better. It all sort of sounded like yelling after a while. Cute kids. I’m happy for them but they won’t get my vote. 

Quintavious Johnson

  • We are getting mixed reviews here in the peanut gallery of night folks. Some say HE IS AWFUL. Some say he is cute and he can belt out a song. He is good for a kid but I don’t think he’ll move on.  On the other hand one never knows about this game.

Smooththini

  • Cute slight of hand. How did he do that? He palmed it, but of course he did. But it is cool and nobody can see how he does it. Charming. And where did the fish come from? HA HA

 

The results will be on Wednesday night’s show. We’ll see who goes to the semi finals.

Woo Hoo!

 

 ~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Tuesday means American’s Got Talent and Cocktails! Who do we like tonight?

Cheers!

July 30, 2013

Teddy and the kids keep yelling “You suck” at the Tee Vee. Oh boy. Not a good night on America’s Got Talent. People were booted off for this lame showing. Ugh. And I know I’m not the best writer/blogger so how can I judge? Well, I can so get over it. I’m not out there singing or dancing or doing acrobatic stuff and pretending I’m good enough for my own show in Las Vegas.

But the best came last…sort of…but there was some good stuff….there really was.

No hunting tonight for the Vampires for it is Tuesday and summer so that means America’s Got Talent and Cocktails. We do this every summer so just go along with us. For those of you who don’t watch it is on NBC (in the USA or you can go online if you’re outside of the US.)

Last week Clara and I were on the road (at the US National Roller Skating Championships in Albuquerque, New Mexico) and we watched from the road. We liked all of the top four picks. Our favorite of course were the two precious, cute, wonderful, funny and amazing acrobats  the KriStef Brothers. Oh my goodness. I thought it was so cute that “mom” made the costumes. The Vampires of the universe hope these guys win.

Thank goodness that nasty “head” guy didn’t get voted on. Yuck. He was just pure yuck and a total hack.

We didn’t think Opera Guy Brandon James did his best but he was ok. Honestly Clara and I agreed that only Josh Groban can sing that song (You lift me up).  I think we’ll see bigger and better from Brandon in the future. We were so glad the darling and very young Anna Christine  made it. She is lovely and has a great voice. We also love love love the cute blue eyed 17 year old musician Collins Key. Yes, we’re happy.

SO what about tonight? And don’t spell check. I’ve already had cocktails…

hairy chest guyNick is wearing an awful suit so I’m providing another photo of a guy in a suit. And don’t try any of this at home – not the singing, not the sword swallowing, not the bad suits, not the crappy kid dancing, not the confusing acrobat tumbling girls, not any of it. What the F is going on tonight???? Wait a minute….can’t find the photo of the hot guy in a suit so you get the guy I just posted (the long haired hairy chest Vampire guy.)

I’m not going to list tonight’s line up. Look it up. If you watch the show with us you’ll know who was on. Due to my lack of time tonight I’m only going to list who we voted for.

This is the rundown on who we voted for:

Forte. With more practice they could be totally awesome. Loved them all. The really tall (newer to the group) guy was especially fantastic. Wow. Finally someone with talent! They have MY vote. Clara isn’t digging the velvet jackets.

Note: This year, and in the past, we’ve seen a lot of opera singers. I’m the only one in my family who truly loves opera, and I love Nessum Dorum and I love guitars sooooooo,  the ultimate, Jeff Beck is doing Nessum Dorum (I saw him do this live a few years ago in San Francisco, oh my goodness. I was transported.) Puccini would be proud. Or of course Brandon James was pretty good (not the best but better than most) this year on AGT. We liked Forte better. 

ALL of us really liked Angela Hoover, even Lola who is staying the night. She was funny and right on target with her humor. Howard didn’t like her but then again he liked some folks who sucked the big one tonight so his opinion, well, we don’t agree. Angela you’re awesome!

Dave Shirley – he made us laugh. He was fun. We liked him. He got a vote. Teddy yelled “you’re a stupid bitch” at one of the judges. Teddy is like that. I still love him.

The B Double Oh Tee Why Guys got our vote just because they made us laugh. It is the hit of the summer. Oh my goodness. Believe it or not! This was too funny.

 

Tomorrow we’ll see who wins.

We didn’t have cocktails tonight but my husband, the wine expert picked out a real find. He said it won a Gold at the California State Fair. Let it open a little. Yes it is a white wine but let it open. Write this down then go buy a case of it: 2012 Rock View reserve, Chardonnay, Mendocino. 

For Vampire cocktails click here or do a search on this blog.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Things are getting Grimm in the Vampire household

grimm_TV series

Things are getting Grimm in the Vampire household on Friday Nights

We’re watching Grimm on Fridays now (NBC). We have been since the first season. We still are.

These of you who have been following this blog for a while know that in the summer we watch America’s Got Talent and post our opinions here. My kids and I watch. My husband complains and makes cocktails.

Let me ramble for a bit (or you can scroll down to the next bit of big type)

As a rule we don’t watch a lot of reality TV. Let me take that back…we don’t watch contests.

I was just thinking that because my dear husband started watching Antiques Roadshow years ago due to his business (antiquities etc). Then came every picker and junk dealer, then hillbillies and nose pickers and clam diggers and crabbers to and inbred catfish suckers. Then I find the kids watching Sixteen and Pregnant, Catfish (which I get sucked into if it is on so I avoid it) and all sorts of shows about people behaving badly. I forbade anyone in the house to turn on Honey Boo Boo, The Kardasians (I don’t care if this is spelled correctly or not), anyone from New Jersey or any kind of Housewives real or not.  I will say I still will watch Antiques Roadshow and listen to American Pickers and Oddities  but usually in the background.

I’m a great one for watching in the background (it is both a mom thing and a Vampire thing)

But every summer we watch America’s Got Talent (look it up, I did a post every night it was on last summer with cocktails to go with it). But that might change after we watched the movie LIVE about a reality show based on Russian Roulette (everyone who does not die gets $5million). If you haven’t seen that movie you need to. See it this weekend. It will make you think. It will creep you out.  Just watch it.

And don’t even get me started on car auctions, car shoes and sports on TV.

So we do watch a few things (I’ll spare you the list). I’d like to be one of those snobs who say I only read and listen to music and discuss world peace and physics, but I’m not one of those people.  I DO read a lot and discuss world peace and physics, but we do like our movies and TEE VEE. Sometimes.

More Rambling about Vampires and Tee Vee (you may scroll down…Grimm is next)

One thing that we don’t see a lot of are paranormal, spooky or horror based television shows. Really.  But think about it. We’re Vampires. Why would we watch shows about fictional Vampires, Paranormals, Werewolves and heaven forbid Zombies? Most fantasy shows (aside from Game of Thrones) can’t keep my interest.

Yes, I know you can prove me wrong, but it is just me, not you. Plus I can’t watch everything. I have other things to do (like reading, world peace, physics, parenting, driving kids all over the place, Vampire stuff and somewhere in there is a husband.)

However, I grew up on fairy tales. When I was a wee Vampire child I read anything that I could that had to do with horror, paranormal, disasters and the like. Back in the day, way back when I was a kid the fairy tales were Grimm and they were filled with blackness, dread and all sorts of horrible things. I also had my share of Bronte sisters and dime novels of adventures of girls who went the wrong direction only to end up in ruin until they were saved by a handsome man with nothing but virtue on his mind.

But I’m rambling…

On Friday nights we watch Grimm.

Why do Vampires like Grimm? Because the people who aren’t “regular people” live with regular people, just like we do. We have to deal with Vampire Hunters, but of course rarely are they as cute as Nick Burkhardt. The Werewolves we know like Grimm as well. Maybe because it isn’t based on princesses and happily ever after or evil step mother queens.

Anyway, we like Grimm and that is what we’re watching on Fridays. So follow along and I’ll be posting every Friday or Saturday if I can about our reactions.

Last Friday the kids were home so we made it a party. The teens were upstairs in the “office room” watching with their friends. There were snacks (cranberry juice spiked with blood and mixed nuts and kale chips). The grown ups were downstairs. The Werewolves who live around the corner came with their kids and my brother Val brought the ancient elder Vampires Tellias and Eleora with him.

Tellias shows up in a lime green colored leisure suit with a black shirt opened to the middle of his chest, his almost white blonde hair around his shoulders like a waterfall of light. Eleora is wearing a little black dress with a lime green belt and lime green beads with some sort of weird flowered and beaded sweater with her hair in an elaborate beehive. Both are wearing Zorries, you know those cheap flip flops that you get in drug stores that cost a dollar. My brother Val has on vintage tuxedo pants with the satin stripe down the side, a white old fashioned tuxedo shirt with a million little tucks in it, black suspenders and about 5 military metals from Great Britain.  His shoes are red. Red cowboy boots. Sometimes I wonder about him.

I’ve learned not to say anything.

“Nice to see you all dressed up,” my darling husband said.

“I’m taking them out to the clubs downtown tonight.” My brother

“Check the dress codes.”I said.

“We have other shoes in the car” said Tellias.

“Yes, in the car” chimed in Eleora. “Mine are black with bows.”

Good, that was settled.

I pulled Val aside “Do you think that is a good idea bringing them out?”

Val just smiled. “They go to the clubs all the time. They’re really popular with the hipsters. Give them some credit. They’ve been around for a while and they never blow their cover. Plus they’re chick magnets for me.”

“You’re already a chick magnet,” I told my brother.

Teddy made cocktails (recipes next post).

So we all liked the first episode of the new season.

Since I’m running out of time and I’m sure you’re running out of patience with me I’ll make it brief.

Everyone was back.

Nick finally found out Renard and Juliette (great name by the way) were attracted in a violent way. They worked with Monroe (everyone’s favorite) and Rosalee on breaking the spell. And FINALLY Renard and Nick came to a Vessen/Grimm agreement that they must join forces or really really really bad things are going to happen. I have to give it to Renard for being a little big humble and eating some crow. In the meantime the evil Adalind come up positive on her pregnancy test after a night with Renard. Uh Oh. Not good.

So tonight we’ll find out if Nick will be able to finally break Juliette’s spell and if they’ll all live happily after (or not).

We’ll be recording this one since I have to pick Clara up from a formal Middle School Dance and Garrett is going to be playing roller hockey with his friends. But I’ll keep you updated!

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

fairytale sleepingbeauty arthurrackhamcrowmice

Paper Cuts – More Halloween Fun

More paper cutting fun…I have so much cutting these things out. The best is how much everyone enjoys these little guys. All cut free form off the top of my head.

Happy Halloween!

More paper cutting fun!

Another Scary Night of America’s Got Talent with Vampire Iced Tea

UPDATE: Our votes went to…

CMYK

The Olate Dogs

They were exceptional groups and it will be INSANE if they don’t go through.

And

In a tie the Parrot Guy Clint and Tim the singer (we gave them a few votes too)

Nobody else compared to the top two. Were those dogs cute or what????

We’re watching America’s Got Talent tonight!

We’ve got a full house tonight. Cody our Vampire in training is still here (his girlfriend might have to be terminated for her lies and lack of respect for Vampires but we aren’t going to tell him). My great great great great grandmamma Lola is here (she is under the weather and needs some care and rest in a family setting – the woman is amost 900 years old), my kids, our Vampire friends their two teens and of course my husband Teddy who will be making his famous Vampire cocktails.

The countdown is here for the next final three!

Who is on tonight that we might consider voting for:

TOP PICK: David Garibaldi and his CMYK’s

Second: Jacob Williams – Comic

Everyone else is ok but not great so we’ll give them a chance and see what they have to offer tonight.

  • Clint Carvalho – the guy with the cute white bird.
  • Live Wire Theater – more light show stuff
  • Olate Dogs – Cute cute cute dogs
  • Shanice & Maurice Hayes – heart warming father and daughter act
  • Magic of Puck – small magic
  • Tim  Hockenberry – Singer – he is very very good and I should have moved him to the top of this list. One of those soulful gravel and bourbon voices.

Who is on tonight that we WILL NOT vote for and why:

Sebastien El Chario – the kids can’t sing and the big band behind him is creepy. Yes, he is sort of cute and can hold a note for a long time (bet he is a good swimmer) BUT THE KID CAN’T SING ON KEY. And every song sounds the same for Pete’s Sake!!!!

 

All That – Guys who clog. If a dozen really good dance groups were voted off then this group of ok cloggers should be voted off too. They are nice guys but my teens think they are creepy and making fools of themselves.

The Untouchables: Teens and adults in my house can’t stand them. A lot of little kids wildly dancing in technical perfection BUT the girls are made up to be a bunch of little SLUTS. I don’t think anyone (except sick bastards that need to be burned alive) wants to see small girls shake their butts and breastless chests like strippers. It is vulgar and shows everything that is wrong with our world and the sexualization of girls.

But wait…there’s more…

As always, Teddy is mixing up something good in the kitchen. Cold drinks for a hot night (I can’t wait until Fall gets here but that won’t be until after Halloween!)

Vampire Iced Tea

  • 1 gallon water
  • 12-15 tea bags – any flavor you want. We like a nice strong black tea with a touch of fruit in it. Lady Earl Gray works well. Put tea bags and water in a jar. Put it outside in the sun for about 2-3 hours to brew. Don’t put it on the grass – it won’t get hot enough. A drive way or deck works best.
  • 1 jar (32 oz) of unsweetened Cranberry Juice (we like Trader Joes)
  • 12 oz blood
  • Artificial sweetener of your choice to taste (remember dear human visitors that we don’t handle sugar well)
  • Mix it all up and pour over ice with a sprig of mint and a sprig of rosemary.
  • Adults – add a large slosh of Vodka or Bourbon to the mix for some extra punch to this punch!

This has always been a traditional family favorite of ours. And don’t forget the nuts to go with it!

You’d think we watch TV all the time but THIS (ATG) is the only reality show we watch. OK I have caught the kids watching 16 and Stupid, excuse me 16 and Pregnant, and those shows about a horrible woman named Snookie and her friends. Honestly I didn’t know humans had evolved to exist without brains. I tell the kids to turn it off.

What we DO watch:

Grimm – because it is so good

Breaking Bad – not the kids, we don’t let them watch it.

Burn Notice: Don’t even ask. But this season wasn’t that great. Hmmmm.

I’m sort of bored with everything else. We like nature shows and science stuff and we love movies. My husband watches anything with sports or antiques or wild places. But I AM bored with TV. Maybe the new fall season will bring more stuff that I like as much as I like Grimm.

So I’ll post more tomorrow on the results (no doubt we’ll be pissed off or at least I’ll be pissed…and if you watch it don’t forget to vote for someone GOOD).

~ Juliette (who is hot and cranky and waiting for cool weather).

A Vampire walked into a bar…

A Vampire walked into a bar with a bat on his shoulder.

The bartender said “You ought to take that bat to the zoo.”

The Vampire said “We went to the zoo yesterday. We’re going to the movies tonight!”

 

Vampire or Regular Human (or something else) it is always always always good to have a sense of humor!

 

xoxoxo

Have fun!

Juliette aka Vampire Maman