Suspicion and Ancient Vampires (exactly what I want to be spending my afternoon on)

“Come quick, come quick.” said a voice whispering like silken moth wings.

It was Tellias, one of the Elders, a Vampire over 2,000 years old. He lives with Eleora, who looks like a lovely fresh young beauty but is even older (or so we suspect) than Tellias. They’re old and like many old people are often isolated and confused. Over the past few years I’ve insisted others help me watch out for them and help them.

Tellias was waiting on the front porch for me. A small black cat sat on the railing mewing at me. I gave Jinx a quick rub and we headed inside. The old Vampire, who looks like he is about 19 or 20 years old, was wearing a steel blue colored work shirt with the name Lloyd embroidered on it and a pair of jeans so old that Levi Straus himself might have made them. Tellias had pulled his white blond hair was back and tied with a yellow shoelace.

He hugged me and told me thank you a dozen times, then hugged me again and kissed me on the forehead. “Dear girl it is so good to see you. I need your help so badly. So very very badly.”

Val came in wearing a suit and carrying a bag over his shoulder.

“Where’d you come from?”

“Denver. Business.” He kissed my cheek and headed for the kitchen.

My brother does things with finance and money. It is all secretive and perfectly legal. Like our Grandmama Lola he doesn’t have one permanent home, but moves round between places. It is common among Vampires. We’re just sort of like that sometimes. About a year ago I convinced Val and Lola to stay with the Elders from time to time and help them out. Really it was to help me out.

Tellias touched Val on the arm. “Are you hungry dear boy?”

“No. I’m full. Hooked up with a couple of flight attendants in Denver before I left.” Val went to the refrigerator and grabbed a beer, then went upstairs to his rooms on the top floor.

Tellias too my hand and led me to a chair. “Sit down. I have to talk to you. I have things to say.”

“What is it?” I asked that expecting something reasonable. Silly me.

He furrowed his brow. “Eleora is seeing someone else. They’re all in love with her. Of course she encourages it. She encourages every single one of them.”

“When would she have time? You’re always with her.”

“Not always.”


“I have my suspicions. I have my list. He took a well-worn piece of paper out of his pocket and handed it to me.”

“Most of these guys have been dead for at least fifty years.”

He shoved it back into his pocket and pulled out another paper. “This one Juliette. Look at this one.”

There were names on the list I hadn’t seen since I was a child. He grabbed it back and pulled another out of his pocket on lined yellow legal paper and shoved it in my hand. “This is it. This is the most current list.”

I scanned the list and recognized the names. Half were Vampires and half were Regular Humans.

“Well, Tellias, you can scratch Kyle Hanson off the list.”


“He’s a Werewolf. She’d never sleep with a Werewolf. This is ridiculous Tellias. Eleora is not cheating on you.”

Tellias grabbed the paper out of my hand and shoved it back in his pocket. After that he paced the room and started to straighten already straight pictures.

“You’re no help. I thought you would help me. Considering everything I have done for you over the past few centuries.”

I shrugged my shoulders. “Where is Eleora?”

“In the cottage with your Grandmother.” He never called her that unless he was angry with her.

Like I said before my great great great Grandmama Lola sometimes stays in the lovely little storybook cottage next to the grand Queen Ann farmhouse that Tellias and Eleora occupy.

I got to the cottage and discovered Val already there. He’d changed into jeans and a sweatshirt. A bottle of wine was on the table along with a couple of glasses. Eleora was nowhere to be found.

Lola stood there with a scowl on her pretty face. “The old fool has been going on for days about her cheating. I told him he could blow smoke out of his ass before he’s get any information from me.”

“Is she cheating?”

“Of course not.”

I left the cottage and found Eleora standing in the middle of the barn surrounded by owls. Yes, owls. You know, it is a barn, in the middle of an orchard.

I gave her a hug. She danced around me and touched my face as lightly as a butterfly kiss and fluffed up my hair. She wore a green sweater, a gray pleated wool skirt with a big gold pin in it and black rubber rain boots.

“Tell me about Tellias.”

“He used to be a Roman, then he was English, then he was American, then he turned into an old fool. He is still an old fool.”

She twirled her skirt then stopped. Her eyes flashed with anger. “You’ve seen how women look at him. They’re all over him like alley cats in heat. Do I say anything? Absolutely not. I have never said a word. Never. Never ever ever ever ever.”

I took her hand and took her back to the house.

Tellias glared at Eleora. “You’ve wounded me for the last time.”

With low growl she showed her fangs. “No, you’ve wounded me. Me. I have done NOTHING wrong. You fool. You silly stupid idiot fool.”

Jinx ran into the room and started to sing the song of his people – a grand opera of loud meowing.

“Do you need food baby kitty?” Tellias picked up the cat and rubbed her neck.

Eleora came up and kissed the cat on the top of her head. They both cooed over the cat while I found the cat food.

While they babied Jinx I walked back over to the cottage. Lola greeted me at the door with a smile. “Have they made up?”

“I don’t know. They’ve been sidetracked by the cat.”

“Good,” Lola said, “maybe tomorrow they’ll lose their car keys or break a shoe lace or have another emergency. I’ll take them out to find a donor or two, you know like a lunch date. They haven’t been out for a good hunt in a while.”

We spent the rest of the afternoon just visiting together. The lists of supposed lovers had been forgotten along with a lot of other things.

I always answer the phone when Tellias calls because I never know if the emergencies are real or not. We have had real emergencies and there have been times when I thought I would lose one of them.

I guess I could say no, but when you love someone you don’t say no. When someone needs you, even if they don’t remember why you don’t say no. You just go and help and in the end you still love each other… sometimes even after 2,000 years.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

traditional vampire








Don’t forget to enter the Vampire Maman Love Letter Contest (with grand prizes, fame and fortune.) 

If you want to learn more about Tellias and Eleora go to the search box and look them up. I really have to make a page for them as soon as I help them find their keys and my mind.


Watching Catfish and Vampires…

My teens started to watch Catfish the MTV show based on the documentary.

If you haven’t seen the show this is a quick rundown:

  1. Boy meets girl on internet.
  2. Girl is perfect.
  3. Boy falls in love.
  4. Girl says she is in love too.
  5. Boy wants to meet girl in person.
  6. Girl makes excuses.
  7. Suddenly too good to be true isn’t true.
  8. Boy calls in Catfish crew to see if girl is real.

And from what we’ve seen 9 out of 10 times it isn’t true. The boy or girl on the other end of the computer line has lied about everything. Half the time the photos aren’t even real. Guys expecting knock out skinny big boobed blondes named Bambi instead end up meeting a large awkward girl named Jen. Sometimes it isn’t even a girl on the other. But it is sad and true that so many people get hooked into online relationships that aren’t with real people.

What sort of sick and twisted person would do that?

Which leads us to “Mr. Negative I hate all junk like this that will rot your brain” – otherwise known as Dad. I draw the line at Snooky and the Kardashian Sluts and Wives-of-Wherever and Whatever-&-Pregnant. But Catfish is such a sad sad train wreck and we can’t help but want to look. And to call the kettle black – I’ve caught DAD on the sly watching every Hillbilly Swamp People Inbred Jed Show that is out there.

We’ve had a lot of discussions about online everything at our house. You have to these days if there are kids in the house. I don’t believe in too much censorship or keeping them off (unless they are grounded). It is the way the world is today and I don’t want them to be in the dark. If they’re in the dark about social media then they WILL be irresponsible and stupid about it when the get on it. The same things here apply to anything good that can be abused (cars, alcohol, sex, too many pets, etc etc etc).

But that isn’t the point of this story. We’re talking about Catfish and kind of sort of watching it in the background when the DAD comes in.

“What’s the difference between those people and us?” He said us as in US in all caps. As in Vampires.

Note: Yes, to those who don’t frequent this blog it is “Musings of a Modern Vampire Mom”.  Go to the Curious about Juliette page for all the details. We’re just like you…only we’re not. Don’t take that part of this blog too seriously or think about it too much or your head will explode.

“It isn’t the same” the three of us (the teens and I) say to DAD in unison.

“We pretend to be something else for our own gain. We trick people. We lie about who we are” he says.

At this point I’m ready to scream. I don’t have a quick answer because I know it ISN’T the SAME but I don’t have the words to express myself at that moment. The kids know it isn’t the same thing. Damn it. We need our own reality TV show.

I can’t end it at that. The kids said things like “Dad it isn’t the same and you know it”, “We give back”, “We make people feel good about themselves”, “99% of the time the don’t even know we’ve taken blood from the and we leave them feeling all warm and fuzzy so it isn’t the same.” OK well that sort of ended right there. And you know, this is the man who sat out under the stars last night with me in the driveway with the top off of the yellow convertible and turned up Pink Floyd playing Great Gig in The Sky and said “This is the music they should send into space.” That is why I love that man.

Welcome to my world, I love it and hope you’re loving your world too.

Happy Weekend Everyone,

Juliette aka Vampire Maman


Catfish Movie Information: Click here.

Now to get your weekend off to a good start…click here to see an exceptionally cute frog with a teeny tiny little voice. If you don’t smile I’ll know you’re a real goblin.

Take a deep breath and…just stuff

Time is of the essence around here…something rare and precious…because there are now teens in our lives. Every single moment counts. There is homework, dances, skate parties, school, more homework, sports, college applications, clubs, friends, friends, friends, music, concerts, take a deep breath…and family time.

A lot of family time is just driving around in the car between all of these events, catching up, talking about “stuff”. Stuff is the best stuff to talk with teens about because it is about everything and nothing. We solve the problems of the universe or maybe not. We get serious. We laugh. We say stupid things to make each other laugh. We just talk.

Family time for us is also night walks. Sometimes we do Vampire stuff and sometimes we don’t. And remember this “Musings of A Vampire Mom”. A very very very very busy Vampire mom who has a lot going on aside from teaching her children to be good Vampires, citizens of the world, good students and of course teaching one’s child how to live in a diverse and ever changing and insane world.

So parents and teens:

  • Turn off your phones (or at least put them down)
  • Say something silly
  • Laugh with or even at each other
  • Talk about stuff
  • Pull out your old evening clothes and get your teens to try them on. Just for kicks and grins.
  • And if you’re a Vampire (or not) go on a night walk to see the stars, the bats, maybe find a night biker with a nice neck to bite…

Just spend a few minutes together. It’s important. You’ll thank me later.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

pretending with gloves

Swiss Chard Recipe for Thanksgiving (and my Vampire Brother)

Before you (yes, you) go anywhere and brush this off as a “weird Vampire story” full of blood…DON’T. No blood or gore. Just good food and a  little romance and family adventure AND a recipe that EVERYONE (except maybe Werewolves) can and WILL enjoy! Even kids like it. Yes KIDS!

But before we get to food…a little adventure and romance.

Explaining to your kids the dangers of the world is already confusing and difficult – especially when you have a family member on the front lines.

My eldest brother works in the intelligence field and he is a Vampire. As always secrecy is the law.

I am the youngest of five Vampire children, the only daughter with four older brothers.

Maxwell, Aaron, Andrew, Valentine and Juliette.

For the first time in years we’ll all be together for the week of Thanksgiving.

I frequently see Andrew and Val. Andy lives in London but visits several times a year. Max loves us but sees us when he can due to his somewhat dangerous profession.

You see, Maxwell is in the Vampire intelligence and enforcement business working for the Circle.

Max is the classic brooding dark alpha Vampire, the avenging angel so to speak. He is the guy in the black leather that sleeps during the day and hunts at night. He is the one who reeks of testosterone and speaks in hushed whispers. He gets that from our mother (the fearless part, not the testosterone). Maxwell’s job, which is more of a calling, is to keep all of Vampire society safe from rogue Vampires and even more importantly, safe from Vampire Hunters. He is a hunter, then again so are we all, he just does it for a higher purpose.

For a short while, before I was involved with him, my husband worked with Max. They hunted the rogue Vampires who turned Teddy from a regular human into a Vampire. After that they went after nasty posse of Vampire hunters. All in a day’s work. The kids love to hear these stories, not in glee but in awe. They know it isn’t easy. War stories.

Over the years Max, Teddy, our mother and other vampires have been involved in this field. For Max it is a calling and he is one of the best.

As children, Max and my husband Teddy were best friends. When Max found out who’d turned Teddy into a Vampire he hunted them down. Max was a Vampire but he knew it was not a choice Teddy would have taken. He avenged his friend, loyal and true to the end.

Max called me a few days ago. “May I bring a guest? A woman.” He asked.

“Of course.” I said wondering if it was a wise thing to agree to.  A guest? He had his affairs and had no trouble attracting women, but he never brought them home to the family.

“Remember Roxanna Jones?” His tone of voice was deep and quiet.

Of course I remembered her. They met on the Titanic – the only two Vampires on the ship.  For my eldest brother, the result of the ill fated voyage, other than the ship sinking, was a short lived but passionate and fiery affair.  They parted as friends (other places to go, things to do) and went on with their lives.

Max continued to do his never ending job saving our kind and others. He had many affairs with others, Vampire and otherwise but more or less stayed alone. He was considered a catch with his sexy brooding manner, tall, dark haired, handsome, but Roxanna spent 40 years with Alex Price (a well known Vampire historian) who was killed by Vampire hunters.

I have to admit Max has had some unfortunate choices in girlfriends. This includes the woman who brought a basket of kittens for dessert to one dinner party (we don’t do that anymore).  Needless to say, when he says he is going to bring someone to meet the family, a rare event in itself that is something to look forward too.

I know by her reputation that Roxanna, a vampire born in the 1840’s in Italy to American parents, is a lovely Vampire. Sort of reserved for Max, but then again, I’ve never met the woman and I don’t know about their “private” life.

Then he asked “Juliette, are you going to make Uncle Reggie’s Swiss chard”.

I told him “No, I’m going to make MY Swiss Chard for Thanksgiving.”

Juliette’s Swiss chard

  • About a half pound of bacon (or more to taste, use whatever kind you want but a good thick cut pork bacon works best for me)
  • Butter
  • Olive Oil
  • Fresh lemon juice (about ¾ cup) or Balsamaic Vinegar
  • 1-4 table spoons fresh garlic chopped – to your own taste
  • Salt and pepper to taste
  • One onion – chopped and caramelized
  • Hand full of roasted chopped walnuts.
  • 4 bunches Swiss chard, cut in 1 inch pieces. It is up to you if you include the stems (I don’t, my mom does). I also add in a hand full of flat leafed kale and sometimes some spinach.

Put some olive oil, a couple of table spoons of the stuff, in a large skillet and heat it up nice and hot. Throw in the garlic and chard and crumbled cooked bacon. Toss it around until the chard starts to wilt a little. Throw in about a table spoon of butter, the onion, and a little bit of the bacon fat. Cook for about 3-4 minutes. Then drizzle with the lemon juice or vinegar, season with salt and pepper. Top with walnuts. Taste as you go to make it just how you like it. Simple and easy. That’s all.

Enjoy and Happy Thanksgiving,



Broken Bones and A Typical (Vampire) Family

“This is extraordinary.”

“What?” I smiled a little, knowing what was coming.

“I’ve heard of individuals but never an entire family.”

“Excuse me Dr. Flint?”

“How long have you been like this?”

I pretended not to hear him correctly. “My son has a broken arm. We’ve been waiting about an hour.”


This little adventure started about 2 hours earlier when my son Garrett (age 16) broke his arm.

I had a call from the school just at the same time they let out for the day.

Dallas Worthington, the history teacher was sitting with him in the school office.  “Garrett was walking up the stairs, turned to look at one of the girls and lost his balance,” said the teacher.

It’s always a girl with Garrett. Girls fill his mind 99% of his waking hours. I’m amazed how he can squeeze the rest of the world into the remaining 1%. But when most parents hear their son fell for a girl this isn’t what they expect. Especially considering Garrett is one of the best athletes and most coordinated at the school, but then again he is a teenager.

The skin wasn’t broken but I could tell the arm was. My heart just broke. My son is almost 6 feet tall and can grow a beard (almost) but he is still my baby.

We drove to the hospital, Garrett with an ice pack and an obviously broken arm. I warned him to do everything he could to keep his fangs in his head. Pain tends to bring out the teeth and even a growl or two. We can’t risk that.

My husband Teddy showed up with his uncommon good looks and all of the female staff in the place have to come take a look at him. Clara (age 13) was with him with her backpack and looking curious at all the hospital activity. It isn’t often we (Vampires) go to regular hospitals. We usually take care of our own medical needs but a broken bone needs to be set correctly, especially when it broken bones and compound fractures no less as in Garrett’s case.  Vampires heal quickly but when a bone isn’t set right there are always problems.

Going to a hospital or any sort of place where I’m physically checked makes me feel like I’m a spy in a war zone. But the fact is that I live with these people. They can help me. I need them, but I can never let them know I am not one of them. I can never be one of them. My children will never be one of them. They think they can understand us but most of them couldn’t comprehend the idea of a real Vampire anymore than they could a little green man from space.

Luckily Garrett didn’t fall on his head and only messed up his arm. The idea of discovery is worse than the idea of bodily harm. Any testing on the head (teeth) could have end badly. If our teeth are retracted we’re usually safe, but teens can have problems when in pain.

Dr. Sarah Montgomery, a nice young woman with an exceptionally blue eyes and big smile took a look at Garrett and calmed all of our nerves.

The arm was broken in two places. It would take 6-8 weeks in a cast. OK we were told 6 to 8 weeks but I knew it would take 3 weeks but didn’t say anything. More women came by the check out Teddy. He did more than the required amount of flirting, causing great amounts of giggling and blushing. Clara asked a lot of questions about being a doctor and working in a hospital. Garrett sat glued to my side as I held his hand in mine.

I called our regular (Vampire) doctor who was unavailable, so young Dr. Flint stopped by to see us. He was tall and lanky, sandy haired and super friendly. He also knew that we were different. He knew we were not just a scary movie myth. We were the real deal.

So back to the doctor’s questions….


“Juliette.” He said my name as a statement. “You’re the one who was attacked by the werewolf. You didn’t go to the hospital for that but it was potentially fatal.”

“Those things happened.” I said quietly not wanting to go into detail.

“How long have you been Vampires?”

“My wife has always been a Vampire.” Said Teddy, answering the young doctor.  “I’ve been like this since 1876, the night of the Centennial celebration. It wasn’t by choice.”  Teddy always has to add that it wasn’t by choice.

“That makes you over 150 years old.”

“I’m 163. My wife turned 153 in October.”

“How old are you Garrett?”

“I’m 16” answered my son.

“Garrett is 16”. I added feeling overly protective. “Clara is 13”.

“We’re not lab rats.” said Clara. Teddy tried to hide a smile.

“Can we do this another time?” I ask the doctor. I knew Teddy and I could make Dr. Flint forget he ever saw us or knew we are Vampires.

“Amen” said Teddy.

“May I contact you in the future and talk to you more about your lives?”

“We’re a normal family Dr. Flint, just like any middle class family.”

Dr.Sarah came in with Garrett’s discharge papers. She smiled showing only Teddy and me her fangs. “I’ll take care of everything for you. You don’t need to worry about a thing.”

We all thanked her hand took Garrett home with enough pain pills to last a week and a new lime green cast for all his friends to sign.

As for Dr. Flint…I’m sure we will see him again. I know for a fact that the curiosity about us is driving him crazy. I should set up a time soon…I might even have him for lunch.

Don’t try this at home…or anywhere else.