Questions of a Cure for Being Yourself

Last night I stopped to see my brother Aaron. My husband Teddy and teenage daughter Clara were at the second game of the Sacramento Kings, in the new Golden 1 Arena. Exciting stuff.

My brother was also along without wife or kids last night too.

On the coffee table in Aaron’s living room was a large vase of orange marigolds.

“Día de Muertos,” he said. Day of the Dead.

He always goes out into the community to view the ofrendas (alters) families set up to remember the dead. An ofrenda might be a simple photograph with flowers and fruit, or it could be an elaborate space with items belonging to the dead, many photographs, and a mulitdude of objects that help us remember those who are gone.

Being the middle of five children, Aaron has always been the most level headed, and least emotional of my siblings.

“Any plans for Halloween?” I had to ask. We are Vampires after all.

“Not really. Just the usual pumpkin carving, and waiting for kids to show up. I was thinking about dressing the dogs up.”  His voice sort of tailed off as his usual control gave into a sigh.

“What is wrong Aaron?”

He looked at me with sad eyes. “Logan asked if I thought there would ever be a cure for us.” Logan is my 26 year old nephew, Aaron’s eldest child.

“A cure to being a Vampire? Like changing us into regular humans?”

“Yes. He said he is tried of being a freak. I raised him to know better. There is nothing wrong with him, with us, with being a Vampire.”

“Do you think this might just be a Halloween thing? Halloween is a depressing time for many Vampires.”

My brother gave me another sad look. “I told him that his mom and I love him unconditionally.”

We talked more into the night about our kids, and our lives that were so different than those of most of our neighbors and friends. I thought of my own twenty year old son who fears the time when his friends grow old.

Then my brother looked at me and asked, “If there was a cure, not that anything is wrong with us, would you do it?”

“No, absolutely not,” I said.

I’d questioned my existence for about three seconds a hundred and thirty years ago, but that was it.

“Would  you take it Aaron?”

“Of course not.”

We checked the score of the game. The Kings had won. We high fived each other. Then we went out to get a bite to eat.

As a parents we have to deal with difficult questions, as our children grow and question who they are. All we can do is listen, and share what is in our hearts.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman




Ask me anything and I’ll answer (within reason)

Advice for Everyone

Thursday is coming up and that means another “Ask Juliette” (Ask a Vampire) advice column. If you have any questions about parenting, relationships, Vampires, politics, gardening, burning, history, love, pets or, well, you get it. Just ask and I’ll answer on Thursday.

Yes, this is an advice column. Do you need advice or a bit of life coaching. I’m here for you.

Send your questions to juliettevampiremom at gmail dot com. Or you can leave your questions below in the comments.

Glad to help.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman



Vampire Diary: Under the Beautiful Skye

Dear Diary,

I remember the days, long ago, when women would be brought to me, or I would seek them out as they slept. Now they come to me.

This is another time and place. I have been told by my peers that I must be sensitive. I do not know sensitive. Just as I do not know cute. Nor do I know why I call them my peers. They are Vampires but we are not the same. One said I am not PC. I did not stoop so low as to ask what that means.

  • Proud Cat
  • Polite Crap
  • Personal Computer
  • Probably Cute

I have no idea.

The cat is mewing. I know what that means. Food.

~ Vlad




Dear Diary,

Tonight I was at a popular drinking establishment. Two young women approached me. They told me I was cute. The former King of Vampires is cute. Kittens are cute as well. That I know.

I turned on my charms and spoke with the women. They asked if I was Russian. I told them no and that my country no longer existed. They hugged me. How quaint.

I could feel their blood pumping. I could smell it behind the sweet perfume they both wore.

They said they lived close. The one with the long dark hair asked me to come to her home. How odd that in my prime only Witches and other Vampires would ask me to their homes. But she thought I was a mortal man.

Behind the main street and businesses was a neighborhood of homes built around the turn of the 20th Century. She said she lived alone. That is something else new.

Once inside she poured us wine. It was never touched. I took her in my arms. She quickly unbuttoned my shirt. We made our way to the bedroom, where I tasted my fill of her, and not just her blood.

As she slept I went out to her house to find out what sort of woman she was. To my surprise and delight the walls were covered with books. I examined the titles of both old and new volumes. Every subject under the sun and moon seemed to be there. Pulling a small book off of the shelf I sat down in a wingback chair and read.

I was lost in the stories when she came back into the room wrapped in a blue silk robe.

She smiled at me. “My name is Skye.”

“Vladimir,” I said.

“I know you’re a Vampire. Even with all of that great honey blonde hair and your blue eyed boy-next-door looks, I know.”

“I look like your neighbor? Is he a Vampire too?” I had to ask.

“No silly. Boy-next-door means you’re hot.”

“I am a Vampire. I’m cold to the touch.”

“Hot means exceptionally handsome. Boy-next-door is a guy who is hot and cute.”

“Skye, lovely Skye, how do you know I am a Vampire?”

“Everyone in my family knows how to identify Vampires. Don’t ask me how. We were just born that way,” she said with a giggle. I think is was what they call cute.

“I see. I have met people like you before but it is extremely rare. Do you usually bring men you don’t know into your home and bedroom just after you met them?”

“Not usually, but you’re the exception Vladimir. Come back to bed with me.” She dropped her robe and stood before me naked.

“I do not want to leave,” I told her, “but I must go.”

“Vampire stuff?”

“I have to feed my cat.”

“Then come to my bed for an hour, your cat can wait.”

Indeed the cat could wait.

On the way back to her bed I asked, “Skye, tell me, what is PC?”

“Politically Correct.”

“What does that mean?”

“You are out of touch aren’t you? It means that you are not to say anything rude or disparaging about a person’s ethnic background, country of origin, mental health, weight, sex, sexual orientation, religion, their culture, age, or physical appearance.”

“I see. And pray tell me, beautiful Skye, what exactly is cute?”

She just laughed and pushed me down on the bed.


~ Vlad




Dear Diary,

I slept all day, my cat curled at my side.

When I opened my eyes at dusk I poured a glass of wine and watched the sun set. I thought of the night before.

I am in a time and place where women do as they wish. They control their own lives. They live lives where they feel passion and act on it. Women hold power. They read. They are equal.

I like that. I don’t know why but I like that. It stirs my passions and makes me feel as if I finally have a challenge and goals. I want to know more about a woman, not just her blood type.

~ Vlad




Dear Diary,

I stand under the night sky. Once all I saw belonged to me. Now, but now how different everything is.

My advice is not to spend 400 years locked in a crypt. Always let someone know where you are going and who you are going with. My mother used to tell me that. I should have listened. While I slept my kingdom was lost.

I think of something Skye said. Fangs don’t make you a Vampire anymore than tits make me a woman. I have no idea what that means. I am not even going to ask.

~ Vlad




Keep checking back for more installments. Click on the links below for read the entire riveting story. And yes, put down your coffee or you’ll spit on the screen.

Vampire Diary

#1. Vampire Diary: The Beginning

#2. Vampire Diary: Intervention

#3. Vampire Diary: Game Day

#4. Vampire Diary: Feeling Alive

#5. Vampire Diary: Blood Red

#6. Vampire Diary: Embroiled in a Dream (and still cute)

#7. Vampire Diary: Something I do Understand

#8. Vampire Diary: Modern Worlds

#9. Vampire Diary: White Wedding

#10. Vampire Diary: Under the Beautiful Skye




Kissed by a Vampire

Special Delivery








Scratch, scratch, scratch on my front door.

“Garrett, let the cat in before she destroys the front door,” I yelled at my son.

About a minute later I heard, “Mom, come to the door.”

My darling 19-year-old stood on the front porch looking at a glossy black crow holding a letter. “I tried to take it from him but he won’t let me have it.”

I approached the bird. “Is this for me?” I took the letter and the crow let go. “Thank you. Who is this from dear bird?”

The crow let out a loud rough rasping crow noise that sounded like “open it”,  and then he flew away.

The envelope was heavy, like an old calf skin vellum that had been through a long journey. The paper was discolored with stains from weather. No surprise coming from a crow. A heavy wax seal covered the back flap. There was no initial or mark on the smooth read seal. How odd.

“It smells like a cat box mixed with patchouli,” said Garrett.

“Who knows how long that crow had it.”

“Open it Mom.”

And so I popped the seal and opened the envelope and pulled out a letter on fine writing paper. A thin spidery hand, written with a fountain pen, formed the words of an old friend.

August 14, 2015

My Dearest Juliette,

As you know, your friends Michael and Melissa have come to stay with me for a while. I was glad to take them in after you’d told me about them. Life on the run was literally making them fall apart. Oh how my heart breaks for these two young people and their unfortunate bout with Zombieism. 

The cool coastal air has a positive effect on the Zombies. They spend each morning on the beach walking, and even swimming in the cold water. I think the saltwater soothes their bodies and spirits. I sometimes wonder if the fish help pick off dead bits. But that is a somewhat personal question to ask.

Melissa lost an eye. The poor girl had been covering her face with a patch. Actually it was quite lovely. She’d glued on Czech crystals in what is called an aurora borealis. But you know that my dear since your child is involved in roller skating. She’d also added some aquamarine colored stones that complimented her remaining eye.

After searching my collection of glass eyes I found two possible fits. One was blue like hers, the other was a lovely golden brown. She decided to used the brown eye, as the other, the blue one had a vertical slit pupil. I can understand her wanting to keep her humanity in tact. As the saying goes: the eyes are the mirror to the soul.

A friend of mine, a talented ceramic artist, created a glove out of buttery soft leather with three new fingers. Because of the glaze used Melissa can paint the nails of her new fingers the same color as her old fingers. You know, her real flesh fingers.

I was initially surprised, and somewhat delighted, to find that these two Zombies not only have their souls intact, but they have their wits.

Michael wasn’t hit by the virus as badly as Melissa. Unfortunately his yearning for brains and internal organs is a problem. He craves human liver and spleens. He dreams of sausages made of human intestines. It isn’t just the consumption but the act of rippling flesh that is almost sexual in nature to him. He asks us to lock him up when he feels the desire to cause damage to another creature.

Fortunately the tonic I’ve been making for the two Zombies has been keeping both their bodies and spirits intact. Upon threat of death (ironic isn’t it) I have told them to keep it a secret. I would hate to think the government and the officials and scientists at Area Z would start to come after us as well. The fewer people who know Vampires really exist the better.

But back to tonic, your recipe was most excellent, but I do believe I’ve improved on it. Along with the few drops of Vampire blood, and the herbs, I added some kale and nectarines. I just blend it up like a smoothie with a lot of ice. In fact, it works so well that Melissa’s hair is growing in thick, and Michael no longer has those holes in his shoulder and neck. The skin over his ribs has also grown back and is a normal color (no longer green.)

Since the rotting has stopped and the regeneration of flesh seems to be a success, the pair has been getting out more. Last night they went to see a movie at our local theater. There are only two screens in our small town but they were happy with any choice, rather than the lack of choice. In fact they appreciate the little things so much. What makes them most sad is the loss of their work, of their identity as professionals at the top of their fields. He has started blogging and she has written a few articles for journals. Unfortunately they live in fear of being found by the authorities. 

The Zombies often speak fondly of you and Cody. How is young Cody by the way. By golly, he was one of the most successful young Vampires I’ve ever known. The transition was without a hitch. Have him call me sometime.

On a good note, my Zombies are amused at the locals around here calling me Dorian, you know, after Dorian Gray from the Oscar Wilde story. I never age, so they joke that I must have a dreadful painting hidden away in my house. I just tell them that I’m lucky. I think they know that something is up – that I am different. But different is the norm up here along the coast. Even the Selkies just shrug it off and interact with the locals much more than their European cousins.

By the way, your brother Max stayed for a couple of nights last week. He was visiting his Selki friend. I find it odd but refreshing to find such deep and lasting friendships exist. I remember when they were both young. Ahhh it is sweet and thank goodness they never had the urge to become romantically involved. I don’t believe their hearts would have lasted entwined together. 

Wishing the best to you and your family.

Love always,

Your friend,



Garrett looked at me with one of those weird expressions young men get then they feel left out of the loop. “Mom, Zombies are real? Why didn’t you ever tell me.”

“It is a delicate subject. Zombies are so horrible and disgusting and oh so rare. Mike and Melissa were friends. I couldn’t not help them. We, as a community, as Vampires, sometimes must help those who live in secret, and in turn they help us. Do you understand what I’m trying to say?”

“Don’t judge?”

“Yes, kind of sort of. Don’t judge. Exactly. I knew I raised you right.”

“Love you Mom.”

“Love you too Garrett, more than anything.”



~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman




Never ask…Questions, Conversations and Musings

Never ask a Werewolf about flea control.

Never ask a Ghost about transparency.

Never ask a Zombie where he left his heart.


Never forget to ask your child about everything.

When it comes to kids, the more you ask and engage (not drill, but engage) them the more they’ll talk to you without being asked. Start them off early. Don’t accept monosyllable answers. If you don’t do anything else you read about parenting DO THIS. You’ll thanks me for it later. And show genuine interest (that is why all of my kid’s friends talk to me with smiles on their faces.)

And speaking of genuine interest… I’m getting off subject a bit but you know how I am.

We’ve all said a lot of things we want to take back. I told my daughter to NEVER ask a pregnant woman when she is due. Of course in typical teenage fashion she asked why not. Because she might not be pregnant. Ohhhhhh. Yes, that has happened to me. It was a long long time ago. I don’t ask that question anymore. I don’t ask a lot of personal questions. There are two reasons. First because it is rude. Second because I know that if someone wants me to know something personal they will tell me in their own time and in their own comfort zone.

The other day my friend Elizabeth asked me to join her in shoe shopping adventure. How could I say no to that? We’ve been friends forever but run in different circles and we don’t always see each other that often.

We were on a tree lined street where shops aren’t in malls but in old store fronts, sometimes in-between Victorian houses and law offices and bars. Restaurants and art shops and boutiques call for me to stop and look. It was a beautiful warm almost Spring day. I saw an old car in front of the art supply story with the bumper sticker that said “imagine whirled peas.” I laughed out loud. It was good to laugh after listening to my child on the way to school talk about war, impending war, her predictions for war and the fucking evil nut jobs who are destroying World Heritage sites. No matter how far removed we are from world events, as we lust over red heels with bows on them, it still hangs heavy on our minds.

Elizabeth put down a blue wedge heeled sandal and said, “I’m seeing someone.”

The first thought that came to my mind was I hope it isn’t one of my brothers. I have three single brothers and as much as I love them I would rather they not become involved with my friends. Sure, I did marry my eldest brother’s best friend but that is a different story altogether.

That was a cue to purchase our shoes and go three doors down for coffee. Low and behold my brother Val was sitting at a back table with his laptop and coffee. He looked up with a dazzling smile and a flash of fang (just for us.) I got a hug. Elizabeth got a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

She started out in a round about way saying her new paramour was a lot of fun and smart and interesting and of course attractive. We politely smiled and didn’t ask any questions but let her talk. And she said something interesting and showed this wasn’t just any relationship.

“Your brother Andrew was married to someone…you know, someone who wasn’t like us.”

“They were married for forty years. She was almost seventy when she passed away. We all still miss her.”

Andy had married a woman who wasn’t like us. She made the choice not to ever be like us. So I decided to ask my friend, my old friend a question.

“He isn’t a Vampire is he?”

“No, but he knows about us. He accepts me.”

“Does he want to become a Vampire?” That was Val asking. He is always called on when someone wants to become one of us.

Elizabeth took a sip of coffee as if she had to think about the answer. “I wish the answer was yes, but I don’t think so. We haven’t talked about it.”

Good. That was good. I mean it could be good or bad, but right now it was good. So I asked, “are you happy, together, the two of you?”

“Insanely happy.”

That was all I needed to know right now.

We talked more about plays we all want to see and movies and general stuff. We talked more about Elizabeth’s boyfriend. We both gave Val a hard time for not seeing anyone. Let me reword that – Val sees a lot of women, of all kinds, but there is nobody who has captured his cold single adorable Vampire heart.

But I’m off subject again. Was there a subject?

Anyway, there is always a risk becoming friends or lovers with someone who is an unlikely choice. Sometimes we’re too different to make it work. Usually we find that, if we all keep open minds and hearts, that we are more the same.

I’m sure The Ghost will have an opinion on that but I’m not going to ask him because he’ll give me some snarky remark and insult me. That is just like a Ghost.

And never ask a cat anything because everything a cat says will be a lie. Of course a cat will say it with a smile on his face and purring.

Have a good day everyone, stay curious and creative and make sure you get your coffee (or whatever you need to get through the day.)

And talk with your kids!

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman


Kissed by a Vampire


Questions my kids ask that I can’t answer

Questions my children ask that I can’t answer

My children have asked a lot of questions over the years. It leads to a lot of discussions because they are “big picture” kids. They see the world outside of their own neighborhood and outside of their own family, friends and school.

I can give them answers but it still never makes sense. I mean, I can logically and emotionally give them something but sometimes I feel frustrated because I don’t have solutions. As a mom I always wish I had a solution. As a citizen of this planet I wish I had solutions. It is frustrating as Hell.

I didn’t make these questions up. It came from the kids.


  • Why do people hate Jews?
  • Why do people have more children than they can take care of?
  • Why do people have kids they don’t love? Why don’t they give them to someone who will love them?
  • Why don’t people take care of animals?
  • Why does the media sexualize women and girls so much?
  • Why is everything in the media about sex?
  • Why does every movie or TV show have to have a sex scene in it for no reason? It doesn’t add to the story.
  • Why don’t people change?
  • Why does anyone allow their daughter to be a child bride?
  • What is Tiananmen Square and why did it happen?
  • Why can’t I get my belly button pierced? (Because I’m your mom and I said NO.)
  • Why are boys so stupid?
  • Why are girls so stuck up?
  • Why are the roads so bad?
  • Did you know I can get the dog to eat anything if I put Ranch Dressing on it?


The list goes on and on. Every morning it is something new. So we talk about it. We talk a lot. It is what we do, because we’re a family. That is what families do. At least I hope it is what they do.

You might not have all of the answers but you can sit down with your kids on whatever computer device you have, or go to the library, or call a friend and get an answer. Or you can figure out the answers between you. Sometimes there are no answers.

But even when there are no answers there can still be discussion.

Talk with your kids. It is the best investment of time you’ll ever make.


~ Juliette aka Vampire Mom

Who doesn’t have all the answers, but will continue to look for them.

And more along this line but with Vampire stuff and a story from Tellias (the ancient Vampire) to come later today or tonight…