Half a dozen teens ate Tide Pods.

About half a million people tweeted about it.

Twenty million believed that half a million kids were eating Tide Pods.

Thirty Million posted memes on Facebook about kids eating Tide Pods.

Those same people are now criticizing kids for speaking out against school violence because they believe that all teens eat Tide Pods.

This is what is wrong.

Everyone WANTS to judge.

Nobody THINKS about these things.

Nobody asks the teens they actually know about this shit.

People are stupid.

I’m sick and tired of it.


THIS is why Vampires sleep during the day. It has NOTHING to do with sensitivity to light. It is because people are stupid and they rush to embrace ignorance.

How do we change this?

Listen to young people for a change. They are our future. Listen to old people. Sometimes they have good ideas and nobody listens to them anymore.

Or maybe just shut the fuck up for a change and THINK before you post. Listen before you post. Have an original idea.

Go back to bed. Clean out your garage. Take a deep breath. And realize that there are different ideas and opinions out there to every problem.

This is for ALL issues.

In June all of the kids I had watched grow up will now be voting.


I wish them the best. 

They are our future.

We’ve let them down.

Let’s hope they won’t let us down.


Talk to your kids. Listen to them. Don’t talk AT them. Talk with them. Engage them. Force the conversations. Spend time with them. Hug them. Love them.

Don’t parent by accident. Your children deserve more than that.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Always look forward…

The other day my 17-year-old son Garrett and I were just talking about stuff and he brought up the last big Vampire party and gathering last summer.

He made an interesting comment about a different subculture of our kind. “I met those Vampires, we call them Shadow Creepers. I thought they were like doing the whole Steampunk or Victorian Goth thing then I realized they were just old and mouldy, like they belonged in a crypt or something. It was sort of pathetic.”

I knew exactly who he was talking about. “They’re stuck in time, just like your friends with moms who still have really awful 80’s bangs or bleached blonde hair.”

“It’s worse than that mom. Like when you were my age the Civil War was going on. You and Grans were wearing hoop skirts but you’re so modern now. I mean, like you didn’t stay in the past.”

“No, we don’t live in the past. We remember it and try to learn from it, but we don’t live in it. That is what keeps us young.” I said that trying to impart a bit of wisdom.

“Mom, you’re not in some messed up Vampire Costume Drama.”

I smiled. “That would be weird. Shadow Creepers. I’ve never heard that one before.”

“All the kids, the Vampire kids, call them that.”

“Huh. That is too funny, but it fits.”


I gave the boy a hug. His future is bright, as I hope mine will be as well.


~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman


Those hit-me-in-the-head-with-a-brick parenting moments

It is prom season – that magical time when kids dress up like grown-up. Aside from weddings it is the biggest dress up even any of them will ever attend. It is a passage. It is all blown out of preparation too. Too much time, money, emotional energy and expectations come out of these things.

But it was a lovely night for my son Garrett and his friend Ione. He was handsome in his dad’s exquisitely cut vintage tux. She was beautiful in a strapless blue gown. It was enchanting. I was so happy for them and all of their group of Vampire teens (and their other friends too).

And we had a warm and fuzzy glow all over for a while, until Garrett found himself alone with me. Nobody else was home. Leaned across the kitchen counter towards me, looking so much like his father.

“Mom? Do you have a minute to talk? I want to tell you something. Um, Ione and I, you know, since my birthday, um, we’re both 17. We’re more mature than most kids our age. So…I just wanted you to know…”

I froze. My entire body froze. My mind went numb. It shouldn’t have been a big deal, but it was, and it is and I wished he’d never told me. I thought I was ready for this but I wasn’t.

“Ione and I have been…” He stopped.

I hoped he’d say something like we’ve been playing poker but I knew what was coming. He knew that I knew.

Garrett continued. “We’ve been…we’ve taken our relationship to the next level.”

To the next level. My 17-year-old son actually said that. “Are you being responsible?” I had to ask.

“Yes. Always.” He said that so matter of fact it.

“Your body might be ready but be careful with your heart. Be careful with your emotions,” I gently told him.

“I know mom. I just wanted you to know, I’m not with just anyone. We’re both Vampires. We go on hunts so we’re not little kids anymore. We know what we’re doing. And it wasn’t like it just happened. It was like time for Ione and me.”

I doubted that. I didn’t say anything.

“Mom. It’s ok mom.” He touched my arm as if to make sure I was ok with it too.

“What about Ione?” I had to ask.

“Ione is fine. She’s great. We’re great.”

We stood in silence for a bit. For the first time I was totally and completely caught off guard by my emotions and reaction. I’m a modern parent. I talk with my kids. We’re open and honest. I’ve raised my children to be responsible and mature. I haven’t sheltered them.  I should have been neutral on the situation but suddenly Garrett seemed different.

I still called him baby. He still sits on the couch and hold my hand and put his head on my shoulder just like when he was a tiny little Vampire boy. Logically it should all make sense and I should have been expecting this. But I don’t know.

I wasn’t going to congratulate him or tell him they could spend the night together.

My son put his hand on mine. “I love you mom. You’re not mad at me are you?”

“No. A little surprised. Just don’t get hurt. Be careful.”

“I am careful.” He shifted around, and fooled around with the zipper on his sweatshirt. Then he looked up at me and I know the gears in his brain were working overtime. “Mom?”


“Who was your first prom date?”

Finally an easy answer for me. “We really didn’t have proms. We have fancy balls. But for my first ball it was your Uncle Val. I went to my first ball with my brother. It was 1876 or 77. A lot was going on so Val and I decided just to go together. It was fun. We had a good time, more so than if we’d gone with a date. Funny thing was that our clothes were a lot like yours. Still formal and fancy.”

Obviously that wasn’t the answer he was looking for. He shifted a bit again then fired the next question. “Who was your first? The first guy you slept with. I know it wasn’t dad.”

Another hit-me-in-the-head-with-a-brick moment. He totally caught me off guard.  “The first guy I slept with? He was another Vampire. He was older and attractive and…my parents never knew. My brother’s didn’t know. They still don’t know. None of them know. I’ll tell you another time. I was your age, and it was risky and stupid and…it doesn’t matter.” I told him, feeling like I’d said too much. Way too much.

“Who was it?”

“I can’t tell you, not right now.”

“Mom, why are you whispering?”

Memories flooded back from the dark dusty corners of those disorganized proverbial file cabinets in my brain. For the first time in my 153 years I felt old. Then my mind went back to my own son who was a lot more responsible and worldly and level headed than I ever was at 17 – even as a 17 year old Vampire.

Garrett didn’t ask me about my mystery man again, but that doesn’t mean he won’t ask about him in the future. Right now my mind is on my son’s future and not my own past.

This is why parenting isn’t for the faint of heart. It isn’t for the meek. It isn’t for the uncomfortable. It is for the long haul. The best we can do is to parent deliberately and educate or kids, so when they make those life choices we can’t control, we’ll be ready. Most of all, so they’ll be ready. Because like it or not…they grow up.

Later in the week Ione came by. I didn’t say a word to her about my conversation with Garrett. I did show her the 137 year old gown I’d worn to my first fancy ball. She smiled and asked if she could try it on. Of course it fit her as if it had been made for her. She is a darling girl and I know she’ll break my son’s heart. But I know they’ll stay friends. On the other hand, nobody knows anything really.

And I’ve talked myself into a corner…so that is it for today.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Advocate of deliberate parenting and talking with your kids (and being firm and teaching them about consequences and loving them with all your heart and soul.)

Vampire Prom

What we talked about today – kidnappings, con-artists, safety, school and other assorted business

We’re in the car a lot so we listen to the radio and talk about the news and school and life…

This is what we talked about today:

STAR testing continues in school. We’re still talking about colleges. We’re talking about all the end of the year school activities (proms, dances, graduations, trips, grades.)

We’re talking about news too. Three girls were kidnapped and 10 years later escaped, with a small child in tow. It was good news and horrible. Good that they were no longer captives in Hell. Bad that they had to endure such Hell. It was horrible.

In the meantime my kids pointed out that some physic had told the mother of one of the girls that her daughter was DEAD. About a year later the mom died, never to know her daughter was alive. She died thinking her daughter was dead.

The Physic was the famous and very rich con-artist Sylvia Brown. She claims to see angels (give me a fucking break), ghosts and talk to the dead. If she starts in on Vampires…oh don’t even go there. For years I’ve been seeing people taken in by liars and cons like Ms Sylvia Brown.

Dear Ms Brown,

I have warned my children about people like you. You are a con-artist of the lowest order. You are cruel, selfish and opportunistic. Your kind disgusts me. You are a parasite who feeds on the hopes of grieving parents. There is a special place in Hell for people like you. You’re a piece of shit.

In the 1800’s there were a lot of con artists like Ms Brown. I thought by now people would know better. But when people are in grief and pain they’ll believe anything. The pain is so great that they’ll do anything to make it go away. I believe it was Pen and Teller who did a show about con artists who claimed to talk to the dead and disproved most of them. They showed how it worked. I don’t know why people believe. My father has explained it to me many times that some people need someone to follow and to tell them what to do because it is easier than making their own decisions.

Now hand me that box of rattle snakes Jethro. Anyway, one of my brothers HAS been to a church with snakes. He said it was pretty crazy – and I believe him on that one.

Next the kids mentioned “That singer who tried to hire someone to kill his wife.”

The lead singer of the metal band As I Lay Dying, Tim Lambesis was arrested Tuesday and charged with attempting to hire a hit man to kill his wife.

He was Post-Metal and supposed to be on the Warped tour. My daughter said he was a Christian so she was surprised to hear he’d done what he did. I said a lot of Christians do horrible things just like everyone else. It was sad. He threw it all away and nobody knows why. He had kids too. So sad. My son said it was sad too because he brother was in the band too. Maybe they’ll find another singer, maybe not. Please lovely readers of this blog no comments on religion PLEASE. It was just a simple observation. 

From there Clara talked about the bad hygiene among kids at middle school and the need for good bras. Some of the girls don’t know about bras. Where are their moms? Young girls need bras that fit, especially if they’re doing sports and have big boobs. The kids mentioned “flopping.” Sorry for the visuals…there were even more descriptions but I won’t go into details. Just for any parents out there …. PLEASE guide your kids to wear proper underwear and to use soap at least once a day. They need to brush their teeth too. Remember, if you ignore your teeth they’ll go away.

We talked about TV. Weird stuff. On Monday we all became comatose and watched TV together on the couch like puppies. I’m not saying it was to be enlightened. It was pretty  mindless. OK we watched Hawaii Five-O and it was creepy because it was about a couple who were abducting girls and keeping them prisoner – and in the news three girls who’d been abducted had been found. Just like that.

And THEN on CSI tonight they featured ghosts and serial killers. More weirdness. It was fun and we all got a good dose of much needed brain drain. Most important it gave us time to just pile up in one big heap of cuddling and dogs and cats and kids and spend time together. And it led to more conversations about all sorts of things (yes, we do talk while we watch the magic picture box.)

After that the usual conversation about why there are so many serial killers from Northern California came up. I could do an entire blog about that subject. Holy crap. From the Zodiac to Richard Allen Chase to the Unibomber. Sick and twisted and scary. Same with abductions. We always wonder.

I started to tell my children about stranger danger when they were just toddlers. I told them that nobody, no matter how they threatened could hurt mommy and daddy. I told them that anything anyone told them would be a lie and to never forget that. We’ve all told our kids that. We all have. We shouldn’t have to but we do. And we keep telling them that.

Then we wondered what roller rink was in Modern Family this week. Orange? Fountain Valley? We’ll have to look that one up. We spend a lot of time in roller rinks. No long afternoons in the sun.

From there we discussed the best way to get glued off stones off of a skate dress without cutting it up. Goo-Gone seemed to work the best. Now we’d need a gallon to get 400 flat back crystals off of a skate dress (for dance).

We went back to physics and the like. Most people I know who’ve had experiences with the paranormal keep it to themselves. When it is real it is held close, like love.

Most of the paranormal and physic stuff people tend to enjoy is just for fun. A horoscope or a card reading. I can read palms and used to read Tarot cards and Ouija boards. It was all for fun. Tarot cards can be a guide, but only that. Don’t be fooled by smoke and mirrors and other such parlour tricks. Follow your own heart and don’t follow false prophets. So I tell my children. I’m proud to have raised a couple of skeptics, just like my dad raised his kids.

On the other hand we thought it would be really cool to create our own set of Tarrot cards. Stay tuned.

Almost everyone I know has experienced something along the lines of the paranormal, but it ghosts, or an answered prayer or a hunch or a vision – but they keep it close, personal and it is theirs. They aren’t cons. It is theirs and theirs alone to live with and learn by. And if they share it is out of their hearts. They don’t hurt others with false hopes, bull shit and lies.

Garrett asked if Werewolf blood really tasted like bourbon and I told him yes. You have to be straight with your kids. I also told him not to get any ideas because it could get him seriously injured or killed.

Not much else happened except a few conversations about how good cranberries are and about a birthday party coming up this weekend and how I MUST go online and get the right gift certificate for Allie. OK I’ll do that.

We fool around and play trick on this blog – but we know what is real and what is right and what is horribly wrong and what is truly evil. There are a lot of things I don’t believe in but I do believe in evil. And I do believe in good and in hope – and so do my kids.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman


Note: I’m back to 15-20 minutes per post tops. Busy days and nights. So if it sounds like rambling it is.

What we’re talking about on the way to school – Redneck Vampires, Haters, Music and Teen Life

What we’re talking about on the way to school Monday, April 8, 2013

My children ask such questions.

Are there any Redneck Vampires? My skin sort of crawls and I have to say, “Yes.” Fortunately even the Redneck Vampires know how to follow the rules. Actually, I have to admit that being a Redneck Vampire can be a lot of fun and they keeps us (Vampires) from being all stuffy and overly formal.

“Do they drive around those big wheel things that tip over in the mud?”

“Yes, they do.”

“What are those called?”
“I’m not sure. We should look it up.”


The teenage brains are spinning then on to the next subject.

“Why would anyone bomb someone taking books to a school?”

That was in response to the heartbreaking news of five Americans killed in a car bomb in Afghanistan. The main story was about the death of 25 year old Anne Smedignhoff who was part of the US diplomatic service. She volunteered to go there because she wanted to help the people of Afghanistan.


It seems more often than not that I don’t have answers for my children. I can’t tell them why some groups don’t want children, especially girls, to have an education. OK I can. Because when people are educated they can’t be controlled. I guess the thing I can’t answer is about the hate and fear that comes along with it that comes with those who are so afraid of women and anything that might be new and different.  We see it in all parts of the world where violence against those seeking change and equality is the norm. It is a sad thing indeed. Just like when the kids used to ask about World Peace. No I doubt if that will ever happen. I know it won’t.

We talked about music. That is always on their minds. And there again come the haters. They do everything from leave garbage on the graves of musicians who have died, to Internet hate stalking of bands (especially those considered Emo), they bully kids in school due to music preferences. It is all so stupid and insane. Where are the parents in all of this? Oh right. They’re teaching their kids to hate, just like they hate.  Be it hating Country Music or Post Metal haters go on and on and on and on about it and let it consume their lives. Ugh. Isn’t there something better to do with one’s time and energies?

Happy Monday right?

Then we talked about school. They’ll both be in High School next year. That seems hard to believe. Now they both want to go to UC Santa Barbara for college. We’ll apply for about a dozen colleges next year for Garrett. Competition is fierce. We have a lot of those college conversations.

But then it all comes around to who they’ll see and who did what over the Spring break. It is the first day back. Spring break was great for us. A lot of family fun, friends and it all ended with a really good skate meet. Garrett fills Clara in on a few high school tips. They talk about who is going to their high school next year from Clara’s Middle School. They talk about classes.

As always the best news is that we talk and treasure our time together. That is the best a mom can ask for. Even a Vampire Mom.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman


What we’re talking about – Vampires, Vettes and Various other things.

I’m driving along last night with my son who just turned 17. He is talking about going to the Warped Tour concert this summer and the bands that will be there. Then he switches to going down to Southern California with his dad to check out colleges. Then he talks about his girlfriend Ione and how she is starting a club to bring to light injustices against women and girls around the world because of something his baby sister had brought up. Then he asks why I sold my 1966 Corvette more than twenty years ago, but he loves my 2012 Ford Fusion and asks if he can have it when he goes off to college.

I let him talk so I won’t start crying because this boy next to me is shaving and has broad shoulders and a rich voice that just keeps getting deeper and a shine in his eyes that is nothing short of magic.  He is for all practical purposes grown – in that in-between space where childhood meets adulthood in a big swirling vortex that scares the crap out of any parent.

And it hits me that I’ve been preparing him for adulthood since the time he was born and now I’m afraid it will finally happen.

Then he says “Logically I understand why we can’t tell regular people that we’re Vampires but…”

I stop him right there. “Don’t even go there. You know why.”  You all know I’m all about open information with kids but some things in life are non-negotiable. Exposing the truth about who and what we are is one of those items

“I have something to say.” He gives me that stern look he has been giving me since he was six years old the first time he said, “I have something to say.”

“OK then say it.”

“Wouldn’t that help me get into college, I mean if they knew I was a Vampire?”

“They’d think you were nuts and if they DID let you in nobody but B-movie freaks and rabid Twilight girl fans would want you in the dorm with them.”

“I could show them what we’re really like.”

I pulled the car over.

“You’ve seen what they’re like when they know what we are.”

“I know but…”

“No. Not now. Not ever.”

“Don’t worry. I’m just talking. Just to you. I know I can’t tell. Um, uh, what happened to those guys you beat the crap out of.”

“The Vampire Hunters? They won’t be back.”

“Um, Mom.”


“I need some new jeans.”

“Sounds good. You can take your sister to the Mall tomorrow night. She said she wanted some red Vans. I’ll give you money.”

And that is what we’re talking about…

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman