ATG 2015 (with Cocktails and Vampires)

Summer is here and for my family (key words: family, family time, children) America’s Got Talent is a silly, fun, tradition. It is an old-fashioned talent show full of magicians, 78-year-old singers, dancers, comedians, acrobats… and you never know who or what will show up. My daughter told me that some kids from her school auditioned. It would be fun to see them on the show.

Last night was the second week of auditions. It is the 10th anniversary of the show. This is our 6th year of watching it, my 4th summer of blogging about it. While we watch my husband Teddy makes snarky comments and makes cocktails.




I have adored talent shows from the time I was a child. I never saw a Wild West Show (we lived in the Wild West.)

When my brother’s and I were growing up we took every opportunity we could to see performers. Most were musical acts, but we were open for anything. We’d sneak into theaters, do just about anything to see animal acts and puppets.

We first met our good friend Innocenzio D’ Antonio when he came through town with a touring opera company in 1865. My mother convinced him to stay in California (and turned him into a Vampire.) He showed up on Tuesday, at my house. His opinion is always valued. But we didn’t see any opera singers – not yet, but I guarantee you there will be some.

So what I’m trying to say is that we love shows and a variety of acts. Plus our silly summer ritual is the only talent type reality show we follow.

America’s Got Talent Season 10: Last Tuesday’s Show and Cocktails

The first few shows are the auditions shot during the winter months. The finalists (some children) are called back for the live summer shows (where the audience votes.)

This is what we saw and our rude comments for the second show:

Howie, Howard, Heidi and Mel are all back. My husband Teddy likes to give the silly Heidi clap. He says I clap funny like her.  And of course Nick is back in his usual ugly ill fitting suits – but he is still darling.

Here we go…

The DM Dance Group: Wow. This is one of the best dance groups I’ve ever seen on the show. About two dozen young women in black not only dance in the most mysterious way but use facial expressions too. Teddy thought they were boring, but he hates dance groups.

Wayne Hoffman: This guy exploded stuff in his mouth, or more accurate he did not explode stuff in his mouth, but rather in a box. He was ok. Teddy asked why he didn’t use m-1000’s. Now that would have been an act to remember.

The Craiglouis Band: Two cute and talented soulful singers. The judges loved them. Everyone sitting on my couch kept yelling “wrong key guys.” They also yelled, “you picked the wrong song dudes.”

The Swollowing Vomit Guy, Stevie Star: This guy swallowed stuff then pretended to barf it back up. Parlour tricks at best. He would have made a good opener at an amateur talent show.

Ronnie the Dancer: A weird middle-aged guy who danced in silver shoes. He was buzzed off.

Fourteen Year Old Ballet Dancer: I didn’t catch this young man’s name because everyone was talking too loud and yelling rude things about the previous dancer. The child was a beautiful teenage boy. They mentioned a vision problem, but I couldn’t tell. He was lovely.

Shirley Claire: Wow. This gal was a spunky, 87-year-old vixen. She sang her heart out. The jumpsuit didn’t do much for me – it was a bit baggy, but she hit it out of the ball park with her personality and style. The song she sang was “I’m Going to Live Until I Die.” Good choice.

There was a treadmill dance group. Impressive but not as fun as OK Go. Click here to see OK Go and you’ll know what I mean.

Roller Skate Guys: Horrible. They were nothing but a bunch of rink rat session skaters. Please, stop saying guys like this can skate. Come to the USA Roller Sports National Championships with me this summer and see how REAL skaters do it. Yes, it is a REAL SPORT. My daughter commented, “I can’t stand people like that.”

A magician sawed Heidi in half. I know how that is done. Someone mentioned he should have put a sock in her mouth. Yes it was mean but we all laughed. Sure we’re rude and awful but we’re Vampires.

Then there was the shy girl…

Lisa: A pretty young woman wearing a white blouse and red skirt came out to sing. The nervous girl came out with a huge beautiful bluesy voice. She was on key and absolutely killed it (in the best way.) I only wish the best for her. As a mom, I’d suggest a different hair style next time to frame that lovely face better.

Young Blood: He was a long-haired young man. I think he was trying to look like John Claire in Penny Dreadful (Frankenstein’s Creation.) He drank milk through his nose and squirted it out of his eyes. Why yes, it was disgusting. Yuck.

Derick Hughes Magician: Just look him up on YouTube (Click here for the link). He was a lot of fun and quite unexpected. He could win if he plays his cards right (yes, that was an intended pun.) Yes, he is the guy who pulled the cards out of his fly and out of his butt.

Freckled Sky: A couple of lovely young dancers played underneath water while fantastic images flashed on a screen. The comments from the peanut gallery were, “not tech bull crap,” and, “I’d rather just seem them dance,” and, “putrid,” and, “contrived.” I kind of liked them. They went straight to the Las Vegas semi-finals without having to perform again.

As for those cocktails…

Teddy mixed up a batch of one of our favorites.

Bloody Talent

3 parts V8
2 parts Vodka (I use the kind in the blue bottle)
1 part blood
A dash of lemon juice
A dash of lime juice
A dash of hot sauce
A dash of orange juice (just a dash)
A splash of good gin (the blue or green bottle)
3 large green olives (stuffed with whatever you like)
And add a pickled green bean if you like. Might as well.

Pour over ice!

Thank you Teddy!

If you’re not a Vampire leave out the blood.

So have fun and if you have a talent show it off!

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman



ATG 2014 Final Twelve Party & Vampire Cowboy Cocktails




Tonight starts the final countdown with the top 12 talents for America’s Got Talent.

Nick’s suit is sort of a silvery white. Not bad Nick. Good color on you.

2014 is our 5th year watching this summer show. This is the 3rd year I’ve been blogging about it.

The entire gang is here tonight. My family, two of my four brothers, plus assorted friends and even a Werewolf pal and his girlfriend. Needless to say the peanut gallery will have plenty of comments about the acts.

But first, Teddy, my darling husband, is making cocktails.

Vampire Cowboy Cocktail

  1. 2 ounces vodka
  2. 1/4 fresh squeezed lemon juice
  3. 1/4-cup of cold beef broth
  4. 1/4 cup blood (leave out if you aren’t a Vampire)
  5. 3-5 dashes of Tabasco (or mix to taste with other hot sauces)
  6. A dash of ground pepper
  7. A dash of cayenne pepper
  8. A dash of kosher salt

Combine all ingredients in a shaker with liberal amounts of ice. Shake vigorously and pour into a chilled old fashioned glass. Garnish with a lemon slice (keep it round like a wagon wheel). Rim the glass with salt if you like that sort of thing.

I’m having a Lemon Martini.

 Now on with the show…

Acro Army

We love Acro Army


The line up is fantastic. The teens all want to see either Emil and Dariel the two young cello players or the ultra cute singer Miguel Dakota win. I tend to agree but I’d be happy with any of 9 of the 12 in the finals.



A little night music for the ladies

Below is a list of contenders with comments from the peanut gallery of Vampires and Werewolves in italics. Warning some of the comments are rude.

Sons of Serendip

The singer has beautiful eyes. I hate harps. I like harps. Beautiful voice. They sound so churchy but so pretty. I love this song. Who sings this originally? Elton John. Oh. If I’m not mistaken. Great voice. These guys aren’t scrubs. They’re real musicians. A horrible name for a band. Wow. They’re wonderful. They are good looking guys. They’re really handsome.

Aero Army

These guys are every bit as good as Circe Sole. This is like senior level big time stuff. Very tight. If they had a dog… If they had Scooby they’d win. Wow. Oh my gosh. Don’t drop her. This is great. They were good. They were tight. There again, it is what it is. They’re an opening act. Definitely talented. Wow. I’d watch these guys. Of all the groups we’ve seen like this they’re the best. Put your shirts on.

Blue Journey

I hope they do well. All the other dancers were tired. They’re the best. I Put A Spell On You, interesting. He is such a good dancer. Wow, she can really move. I would have done the james Brown Version. This is interesting. I like it. I love it. I’d pay to see them. They’re fun. They’re really good. That was good. I’ll vote for them. They have talent. Mel needs to shut the F up. Really? She (Mel) is pretty much brain dead. The judges are stupid. I like the dancing. They’re great. 

Emil and Dariel

They’re just so cute. Interesting choice for a song. Aerosmith. Get rid of the singers and tone the band down. The background is drowning them out. Very pretty. I like them. I thought they should have rocked the house. I really like them. They should be in the top 5 at least. They are darling. I wonder what our friend who plays the cello thinks. It wasn’t safe. It was a tough song. Playing it safe would have been what they did before. Nick’s suit is terrible.

David and Leeman

I adore these guys. They are so darling. Love their style. Fun lottery act. OMG how did they do that? OMG. Awesome. They get a vote from me! Very nice. I honestly thought they’d screwed up. The stupid judges didn’t even stand up for them. That was really good. If I was single I’d date them.

Miguel Dakota

Fantastic job. Hard song. We’re voting for him all the way. I hope he wins. We all do. He is the star.

Mat Franco

I really like him. Very good. I really enjoy his act.


We’re all concentrating on the results

Quintavious Johnson

Sweet kid but he can’t sing. Sure but he’ll win. He has no talent, nice kid but no talent. Nick has no talent. Cute kid but… He is just awful. It all sounds the same. It sounds off, so off. He is singing off key. He can sing one not. That’s it. He has good stage presence. He has no range. This is just putrid. You can’t compare him to Stevie Wonder NO NO NO NO. I’d rather hear James Spader sing that song.

Mara Justine

Sweet kid. She can belt out a song but…Ewwwwww that hurts. A little bit off. Nooooooo. Nice kid but…wait about 10 years and come back. Ouch. Big lungs. Uh oh. I thought that was her best performance but she just isn’t that good. Good job Mara I hope you don’t read my mom’s blog. I dunno.

Christian Stoineu and Scooby

Put a shirt on. I love the dogs. They are sooooo cute. Would you pay to see this? Not this guy. Its the dog. Everyone votes for the dog. I wish I could do that. Uh oh. Who gives a shit. He is good but not the million dollar act. I agree with Heidi he needed more dog. More Scooby.

Mike Supre

If he does a really good trick he could beat out everyone else. He can do it. Good stage presence. They have to give magicians more time. Hey dude get on with it. You’re losing me. I’d put Howie in the booth. I want to see him squeal like a girl. Wow. That was hecka good. Go get work.

Emily West

She’s ok. But as far as being amazing… I don’t know. NOOOOO bad choice of song. You can’t do Moody Blues. Nobody but Justin Hayward should sing that. This doesn’t highlight her voice at all. Her voice cracked there twice. No, this is not good. Don’t eat the microphone. No no no. That wasn’t that good. Pale imitation. Oh shut the F up Howie and Howard. Oh bullshit. I think Howard slept with her.


Dog Act

And don’t forget every good talents show needs a few dogs and cats


We all had a good time. Now only the spirits will tell who makes this round. Or we can all vote and find out tomorrow.



~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman


Cocktails and 2013 ATG Finals at the Vampire Home

America's Got Talent and Cocktails

America’s Got Talent and Cocktails

Oh my gosh it is the very last night of 2013 America’s Got Talent. We watch it every year and for those of you who follow this blog (especially old timers) you know that, well, I blog about it. For no reason at all except that it is FAMILY TIME and this is supposed to be a PARENTING BLOG (fooled you didn’t I.)

We were all SORELY disappointed and pissed off about last week’s show. Now we have three forgettable singing acts (yawn), a darling high school boy who does magic and only two acts that are good enough to win it all. But I’m sure one of the singers will win because most people have no imagination (or taste). On the other hand the dog act won last year. Go dogs. Gotta admit those dogs were really cute.

Anyway, since the final show is exciting, stupid, fun and frustrating all at the same time Teddy is making cocktails.

So this is what we thought…by the way, it was the usual gang of Vampires, about 12 of us from age 14 to age 456.

Warning: Mean but true comments ahead. Turn back if you don’t want to read anything not nice.

Nick had a suit that actually fit!

Below are real comments. Thank your lucky stars I didn’t publish all of them. This is a tough crowd here at Vampire Central.

Jimmy Rose

  • He was precious.
  • He had that tall drink of water look that all girls like.
  • Natural Country voice.
  • He wrote that song? Wow.
  • He is genuine.
  • His heart is in the right place
  • He is the best singer.
  • Makes me think of Randy Travis.
  • Howie shut the F up.
  • He is so much better than the other singers.
  • Howard shut the F up.


  • WOW.
  • He’d be a good opening act.
  • Wow.
  • When is it going to start?
  • He was his own back up dancers!
  • That was fun.
  • He is the girls!
  • This is fun.
  • I love it.
  • He is so much fun.
  • That was great.

Cami Bradley

  • My God what is she singing?
  • Cher is going to come out and kick her ass.
  • What is she doing with her mouth?
  • She is cute but she can’t stay on tune.
  • She’ll win because people are stupid.
  • Just annoying.
  • She’s a whore.
  • She just puts on the goody two shoes act. It is all fake.
  • That was mean.
  • It’s true. That is what people at her church say.
  • Are you kidding me? Really? She has butchered every song she has done. Oh my God that is horrible.
  • She has never been on key.
  • Please forward through it. That is horrible.
  • Why does she keep screwing up her face like that?

Collins Key

  • How’d he do that?
  • HA HA HA
  • That is amazing!
  • How did he do that?
  • He is so cute.
  • I love him!
  • He is so much fun.
  • How did he do that?
  • How did he do that?
  • That was so much fun!
  • How did he do that?


  • They need to learn how to dress themselves.
  • This is not very good.
  • Hear that? No.
  • They’re ok.
  • No this is really bad.
  • You go to any professional opera company and there are 45 guys who sing better. More than 45.
  • They’re just not that good.
  • Would you watch more than 10 minutes of that? Hell No.
  • They’re boring.
  • The chorus was too much.
  • Why the F do they need so much backup?
  • They’re good but I won’t remember them tomorrow.


  • So creative
  • He is so funny
  • He is so cute
  • He has been the best so far tonight
  • He has to win.
  • Stupid people will vote for the singers.
  • Can’t help but like him.
  • He is the best but I think the skank will win it.
  • You’re mean.
  • I’m right.
  • This is really good. He could win it.
  • He is so good.
  • He should win it.
  • I can’t believe he said that.
  • He is so funny.
  • He need to win.
  • It will be nuts if he doesn’t win.
  • He should win.
  • He is so good.

Cocktail of the Night

Bloody Talent

  • 3 parts V8
  • 2 parts Vodka (I use the kind in the blue bottle)
  • 1 part blood
  • A dash of lemon juice
  • A dash of lime juice
  • A dash of hot sauce
  • A dash of orange juice (just a dash)
  • A splash of good gin (the blue or green bottle)
  • 3 large green olives (stuffed with whatever you like)

And add a pickled green bean if you like. Might as well.

Pour over ice!

Thank you Teddy!

If you’re not a Vampire leave out the blood.

The only thing left is to vote and see who wins tomorrow and hope it doesn’t make us cry.


Update 9/19/13:

Kenichi 1st Place

Taylor 2nd Place

Jimmy 3rd Place

We’re happy with that. They were the best and I’m sure they’ve all been contacted by agents already. Good job. Well see who shows up next summer. Now we’re just waiting to see what Walt does next on Breaking Bad!

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

AGT, Cocktails, Shadow Creepers and comments from the peanut gallery.

America's Got Talent and Cocktails

America’s Got Talent and Cocktails

For the past several summers we’ve been watching America’s Got Talent in the summer. I’m not saying it is a great show or anything like that BUT it is a way we all come together and get to yell at the TV and laugh and boo and get silly. We like Nick’s awful suits. We like Howard and put up with Howie. And we like Heidi and Mel because they are so cute and they are moms, but sometimes they can be really stupid and put on the sensitive mom thing a little too thick, but I do like them. OK that said…that is what we do during the summer.

If you don’t follow the show feel free to opt out of this blog post and go read something else (I can make a few recommendations.)

And for those of you who are new here, we’re a Modern Vampire family (read the other blog posts if you need to catch up).

Anyway, Teddy (my handsome Vampire husband) has decided to make Bloody Marys with Tanqueray rather than Vodka. We also had a nice local Zinfandel. Anyway, that is the cocktail portion of tonight’s AGT and Cocktails blog post.

Don't wear these pants. Not ever.

Don’t wear these pants. Not ever.

Tonight we have a full house because Matthew, my old fashioned Vampire friend (a Shadow Creeper) is here learning how to be a Modern Vampire. His son Josh (soon to be 17) is upstairs right now with my 17 year old Garrett and his gang of friend Randy, Zoe, Chloe and of course Ione. They’re all typical Vampire teens and showing Josh the ropes so to speak. Josh has a dad who is still stuck in the dark and dank world of 19th Century Vampires, while Josh is trying to be a Modern Vampire. That is why Matthew called me to help – because that is what I do – help old moldy Vampires become Modern Vampires.

You should have seen Matthew today when we went to the high school to get the text books and student I.D. cards. Talk about out of place. I mean, imagine Dracula at your neighborhood high school full of over worked parents and excited teens. More on that later.

So we’re all here having cocktails and confusing Matthew to no end, but he seems to be getting a little looser. We have him in some jeans and an Oxford shirt with the sleeves rolled up. Not bad. I mean, if he gets rid of the creepy Vampire stuff he is a nice looking guy that would turn most female heads. Can he be a charmer like most of the male Vampires in my life…I can’t say. OK I seriously doubt it but I’m not giving up hope.

We’re all piled on the couches and watching now. Turn up the volume Teddy.

So on with the show… America’s Got Talent August 13, 2013

Comments from the peanut gallery (warning, everyone was pretty rude):

What the Hell did he do? He did nothing.

What’s he going to do? Stick a torch up his ass and belch out flames?

This is awful.

She wasn’t even singing. It was one tone.

The 16 year old guy is really cute. The others will be really cute too, except the little guy. He’ll just grow up to be goofy looking.

Would you pay to watch that?

How many kids? They do need birth control. Where do they have sex? I mean, their kids would hear everything. This is like a really bad skate show.

They have sex in their car.

Oh mom.

Are they part of that birther movement or whatever it is called where the women have as many kids as they can and the girls don’t go to college? That is disgusting.

They confuse this with singing. She is not on key at all.

Why is she squishing up her face like that? I’ve seen enough.

Come on out Cher and bitch slap her. Just smack her. That would be awesome.

Ar Ar Ar (seal sounds)

Really? Come on Howard.

More yelling.

Are Nick’s pants too short?

We need a Prince Poppycock again.

Oh God, not him again.

Are you kidding?

This is like something they’d do on Smothers Brothers as a filler.

No the Gong Show.

What I thought they’d already been on for 90 seconds.

It just seems like forever.

An older ugly woman. Freddy Cougar. That will have me laughing all week.

Don’t you think the word moist sounds nasty?

Synthetic ice. Who cares?

People were doing stuff exactly like this at the skate meet but it was a lot more impressive. Even the ice show stuff is better than this. I’ve seen a lot better on roller skating.

It has been done before. It is nothing original. I want to see some sort of jump or spin.

(Did I mention most of the kids here tonight skate?)

If these people were judged by real skating judges they’d never go through.

Is it over?

Oh shit.

It is like skating on a crappy ice rink.

Oh that guy. He juggles his balls.

Doesn’t that hurt?

Is it over?

I don’t know.

Oh wow, Bryan Adams. He’s owning this song.

I love his voice.

Finally someone good. 

The first group, the kids band, the comedian and Jimmy Rose.

Oh she’s a stupid bitch. He was great.

So who did we vote for? Well that was easy considering only three (almost 4) of the acts were even passable according to the 13 of us who are here tonight.

  • 3 Penny Chorus and Orchestra
  • Taylor Williamson
  • Jimmy Rose
  • The Robotix (because we had to pick a 4th and we liked these nice teens but the young lady could be stronger)

Matthew was rather confused at times and overwhelmed by our behavior. Josh was laughing and having a lot of fun. And we all enjoyed Chloe’s high-pitched raspy laugh that makes anyone laugh along.

So folks until tomorrow night when we get results… check out the acts (if you missed it) on YouTube or (no I’m not paid to advertise, but if they want to pay me I’ll cash the check,)

“I hope we haven’t scarred Matthew and driven him back to his crypt.” Teddy said that with a sly smile.

“No, he’ll be fine. Just a little culture shock, or lack of culture, whatever the case.”

 ~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

I have enough talent for you baby

I have enough talent for you baby

America’s Got Talent Night – is anyone watching except us?

TV-WatchingOK I have to admit this is a stretch…a Modern Vampire Family watching America’s Got Talent every summer and blogging about it. It is a stretch but LOOK it is happening right here and now…and you’re part of it. But maybe not because unlike last year, I don’t think anyone is reading my AGT posts this summer. Hmmmm. So if you perchance see this post I’ll be doing more space exploration, vampire stories, inspirational parenting stuff and fashion tips or whatever later this week. It has been one of those stressful weeks for me where I just need to unwind and clear my brain and watch talent shows and you know, silly stuff.

This summer has been somewhat of a disappointment (with AGT, I hope not with this blog).

Tonight only two acts (out of two hours of acts) stood out.

The first was Olivia Rox a 14-year-old singer. She was cute and poised and had a great style. And she sang that song better than the Beeb ever did (we’re not Beeb fans here). But Olivia, oh Olivia you rocked it.

The second was a Marine from Kentucky named Jimmy Rose. Jimmy is a former coal miner with deep roots and a deeper heart and soul. This guy has TALENT – FINALLY. And of course he has a million dollar smile. We were all digging the red cowboy boots. Go Jimmy Rose. We know you have a long musical career ahead of you.

The other acts that went through were ok and I’d better write them down before I FORGET them. It was sort of like a school talent show tonight. Don’t get me wrong – I LOVE school talent shows but this isn’t a school talent show. They’re looking for a million dollar act.

Mat, Hona and Dave played a HUGE guy like a drum. They were all from Salt Lake City. Wow. It was unusual and a lot of fun and sort of weird and wonderful and happy.

The Break Dancing Sword Swollower – Yuck.

The Skaters who did ice skating on plastic. Oh come on. They were so lame. Show me some real skating. Do it on wheels and do it well. Ho Hum and BLAH.

Sensations – danced with optics, black light stuff and stuff like that. OK but sort of a yawn.

Kid Hoochie Dancers Daniella and Yosha. Not cute. OK the boy was cute. The girl could have been cute but she was, well, a brat. Teddy (my husband) said she’ll be a stripper when she grows up and he will be a back up dancer for a Broadway show (not a bad gig). Clara (age 14) said “She seems like a little brat.” School show talent stuff – and you all know how I dislike small children shaking their booties like club dancers (exploitation)

212 Green from Harlem, NYC. A family of talented kids who have a sweet little band. Teddy and 17 year Garrett thought they had no talent. Clara thought they were just ok but not more. I thought they were really cute.

Chloe Chanelle age 11. A cute kid country singer. If she tells stories as well as sings she has a good future. She told hunting stories. Cute girl.

What was up with the random Balloon Lady?

And that is all I’m going to mention tonight. No cocktails tonight.

The highlight and lowlight – we learned there are arson fires in the area where we live near Sacramento, CA. That is so evil. Today our friends were evacuated from their home due to one of those fires. But our friend was on the news and looked good on camera as he spoke about living so close to the fire. We live in a high fire area. In light of recent events around where we live and all over the West, fire is scary and there are tragic consequences. Our memories are full of fires and tragedies. Please be careful and report any suspected arsonists.

Listen to Smokey Bear and if you’re home on Tuesday night watch America’s Got Talent with us. We can compare notes.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Four judges this year  - so far so good.

Four judges this year – so far so good.

AGT and we’re waiting for the fun to start…

If you’re not into AGT then skip this and check out some of the previous posts that are more compelling and better written.

It is Tuesday and another night for our America’s Got Talent Night! Woo Hoo. Last week Clara and I watched it from a hotel room in Fresno. Ugh. It was HELLISHLY HOT. Unfortunately we didn’t see much we really liked. The was a sort of funny comedian and a lot of really stupid stuff…but nothing really amazingly good stood out. EXCEPT the three OPERA GUYS. I’ll look up their names later because I’m going to attempt to write this blog in 15 minutes or less (and I can type about 70 wpm.)

So we’re trying again this week in hopes for something that will WOW us.

In the meantime the kids off for the summer. Teens. So I’m trying to keep down the quotas of misinformation, practical jokes and for my son “romance”. He is also filling out a zillion college applications (OK about half a dozen, maybe a few more.) None of this is new…get into the way-back-machine and remember when you were a teenager. Summers were a long period alternation between frantic fun and sheer boredom. At least that is what they want their parents to think. And sleep. In the summer I let them sleep.

So back to the show. No cocktails tonight because Teddy is out playing trivia with some of his friends in the antiques business. I hope they don’t get third place because it is usually a really disgusting porn CD. Really. I kid you not. Second place is usually something stupid like a banjo picker picnic CD. First place is a good gift certificate which he usually gives away if he wins, but that’s ok by me.

Did I say back to the show already? OK here is the rundown…


Kelsey & Bailey. Exceptionally cute dancing dog and cute 17 year old girl. Toxic cute. Cute without being annoying. OMG that dog looks soft. It is soooooo cute. I’ve never seen a dog dance like that.

Juggling Kid. I didn’t catch his name. He had a red shirt and was 19. If put in the hands of a seasoned professional he could go a long way.

Chicago Boys. Very nice and inspirational. Wow they were fun too.

2 Unique: No no no no no. Didn’t like those two little 10 year old DJ girls and my kids didn’t like them either. Any of our neighborhood kids could do better. I didn’t like the attitude of the smaller girl. The whole tough girl thing is a big turn off.

We heard loud thumping and no it wasn’t the air conditioner exploding (it is still in the 100’s here) it was Teddy pulling into the driveway blasting Metallica.

Sully Dunn – the guy was a singer. Not a good singer. He was a moron and they sent him through. A bitter young talentless hack. Blah.

The Opera Guy with the mom who didn’t approve of him. Teddy said he was terrible. The kids said he was ok and liked his eye color. I love Nessum Dorma. But where is the Prince Poppycock of this season? Really WHERE IS HE (or she). Where is that unexpected flash of brilliant?

Then some asshole came out with a cat puppet and threw fake poops all over the stage. Next.

Enrico the Samba guy came out and Teddy asked “Where is the sniper when you need one?”

Next was San Antonio and Heidi was rocking the animal print dress!

The Texan David Finley was a big guy with a whiskey and smoke voice. Wow. Now that is more like it. Good earthy sound. Good job dude! Teddy found him compelling. I thought he had a great voice and was really sweet. The kids liked him too but said the beard had to go.

Dillon the hiphop robot dancer kid was cute. And his mom was cute. Awwwww. And we all liked the noodle arm thing. How’d he do that?

Tiny Red Shirted Rappers. They were really strange but compelling. Good at Rap and I don’t like Rap, but they were ok.

American Hit Men. Former Marines that formed a band. They were ok. Garage band stuff. They won’t be making it to Warped Tour next year. We’re (all 4 of us) are pretty critical because the kids go to a lot of concerts and hear a lot of small and local bands too. These guys aren’t ready for the big time. Clara said “I’m not digging it.” Garrett said “It is cool they were Marines but they need more practice.”

So that is it for this week. Sorry the detail isn’t there. I just wasn’t paying that much attention. Like I said, I’m waiting for something really good that catches my attention and sticks in my memory.