AGT, Cocktails, Shadow Creepers and comments from the peanut gallery.

America's Got Talent and Cocktails

America’s Got Talent and Cocktails

For the past several summers we’ve been watching America’s Got Talent in the summer. I’m not saying it is a great show or anything like that BUT it is a way we all come together and get to yell at the TV and laugh and boo and get silly. We like Nick’s awful suits. We like Howard and put up with Howie. And we like Heidi and Mel because they are so cute and they are moms, but sometimes they can be really stupid and put on the sensitive mom thing a little too thick, but I do like them. OK that said…that is what we do during the summer.

If you don’t follow the show feel free to opt out of this blog post and go read something else (I can make a few recommendations.)

And for those of you who are new here, we’re a Modern Vampire family (read the other blog posts if you need to catch up).

Anyway, Teddy (my handsome Vampire husband) has decided to make Bloody Marys with Tanqueray rather than Vodka. We also had a nice local Zinfandel. Anyway, that is the cocktail portion of tonight’s AGT and Cocktails blog post.

Don't wear these pants. Not ever.

Don’t wear these pants. Not ever.

Tonight we have a full house because Matthew, my old fashioned Vampire friend (a Shadow Creeper) is here learning how to be a Modern Vampire. His son Josh (soon to be 17) is upstairs right now with my 17 year old Garrett and his gang of friend Randy, Zoe, Chloe and of course Ione. They’re all typical Vampire teens and showing Josh the ropes so to speak. Josh has a dad who is still stuck in the dark and dank world of 19th Century Vampires, while Josh is trying to be a Modern Vampire. That is why Matthew called me to help – because that is what I do – help old moldy Vampires become Modern Vampires.

You should have seen Matthew today when we went to the high school to get the text books and student I.D. cards. Talk about out of place. I mean, imagine Dracula at your neighborhood high school full of over worked parents and excited teens. More on that later.

So we’re all here having cocktails and confusing Matthew to no end, but he seems to be getting a little looser. We have him in some jeans and an Oxford shirt with the sleeves rolled up. Not bad. I mean, if he gets rid of the creepy Vampire stuff he is a nice looking guy that would turn most female heads. Can he be a charmer like most of the male Vampires in my life…I can’t say. OK I seriously doubt it but I’m not giving up hope.

We’re all piled on the couches and watching now. Turn up the volume Teddy.

So on with the show… America’s Got Talent August 13, 2013

Comments from the peanut gallery (warning, everyone was pretty rude):

What the Hell did he do? He did nothing.

What’s he going to do? Stick a torch up his ass and belch out flames?

This is awful.

She wasn’t even singing. It was one tone.

The 16 year old guy is really cute. The others will be really cute too, except the little guy. He’ll just grow up to be goofy looking.

Would you pay to watch that?

How many kids? They do need birth control. Where do they have sex? I mean, their kids would hear everything. This is like a really bad skate show.

They have sex in their car.

Oh mom.

Are they part of that birther movement or whatever it is called where the women have as many kids as they can and the girls don’t go to college? That is disgusting.

They confuse this with singing. She is not on key at all.

Why is she squishing up her face like that? I’ve seen enough.

Come on out Cher and bitch slap her. Just smack her. That would be awesome.

Ar Ar Ar (seal sounds)

Really? Come on Howard.

More yelling.

Are Nick’s pants too short?

We need a Prince Poppycock again.

Oh God, not him again.

Are you kidding?

This is like something they’d do on Smothers Brothers as a filler.

No the Gong Show.

What I thought they’d already been on for 90 seconds.

It just seems like forever.

An older ugly woman. Freddy Cougar. That will have me laughing all week.

Don’t you think the word moist sounds nasty?

Synthetic ice. Who cares?

People were doing stuff exactly like this at the skate meet but it was a lot more impressive. Even the ice show stuff is better than this. I’ve seen a lot better on roller skating.

It has been done before. It is nothing original. I want to see some sort of jump or spin.

(Did I mention most of the kids here tonight skate?)

If these people were judged by real skating judges they’d never go through.

Is it over?

Oh shit.

It is like skating on a crappy ice rink.

Oh that guy. He juggles his balls.

Doesn’t that hurt?

Is it over?

I don’t know.

Oh wow, Bryan Adams. He’s owning this song.

I love his voice.

Finally someone good. 

The first group, the kids band, the comedian and Jimmy Rose.

Oh she’s a stupid bitch. He was great.

So who did we vote for? Well that was easy considering only three (almost 4) of the acts were even passable according to the 13 of us who are here tonight.

  • 3 Penny Chorus and Orchestra
  • Taylor Williamson
  • Jimmy Rose
  • The Robotix (because we had to pick a 4th and we liked these nice teens but the young lady could be stronger)

Matthew was rather confused at times and overwhelmed by our behavior. Josh was laughing and having a lot of fun. And we all enjoyed Chloe’s high-pitched raspy laugh that makes anyone laugh along.

So folks until tomorrow night when we get results… check out the acts (if you missed it) on YouTube or (no I’m not paid to advertise, but if they want to pay me I’ll cash the check,)

“I hope we haven’t scarred Matthew and driven him back to his crypt.” Teddy said that with a sly smile.

“No, he’ll be fine. Just a little culture shock, or lack of culture, whatever the case.”

 ~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

I have enough talent for you baby

I have enough talent for you baby

3 thoughts on “AGT, Cocktails, Shadow Creepers and comments from the peanut gallery.


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