Savory Vampire Cocktails – or – You Can Have Your Bacon and Drink It Too!

When the weather cools down our entertaining schedule picks up. That means Teddy (my fabulous, handsome, witty and delightful husband) is making his more savory cocktails.

By savory I mean nothing too sweet and specifically drinks with a little meat in them (and blood of course for the Vampire versions.) Some are based on beef broth and others are infused with bacon.

Also, don’t forget to cook with booze. It gives taste and tenderizes food. Plus (for those of you who don’t drink) the alcohol cooks off. Adding a beer to your slow cooker chili will make it fantastic but you won’t get drunk off of it.

 

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Forget the fruit and the fluff.

We’re going for the hard stuff.

 

That’s No Bull Shot

  • 2 ounces vodka
  • 2 oz blood
  • 1/4 fresh squeezed lemon juice
  • 1/2-cup of cold beef concentrate
  • 2-6 dashes of Tabasco or other hot sauce to taste
  • A dash of ground pepper
  • A dash of cayenne pepper
  • A dash of kosher salt

Instructions:

Shake all ingredients in a shaker with liberal amounts of ice. Garnish with a slice of lemon.

Note: If you’re not a Vampire leave out the blood.

 

vm_eve

 

Bloody Bovine

  • 2 oz vodka
  • 4 oz of V8 or Trader Joe’s Vegetable Cocktail Juice
  • 4 oz chilled beef concentrate
  • 4 oz blood
  • 1 tsp of peeled and finely grated fresh horseradish (If you don’t have fresh use the kind in the jar. Don’t use the cream horse radish sauce because it will be disgusting.)
  • A pinch celery salt
  • 2 dashes of Worcestershire sauce
  • 3 dashes of Tabasco Sauce or more to taste
  • A liberal sprinkle of ground pepper
  • 1/4 oz fresh lemon juice (just squeeze in a few wedges)
  • And a big green olive or two. Try a blue cheese stuffed one.

Instructions:

Combine everything over ice in a big glass (or two if you want to share). Stir. Ganish with a long piece of fresh red bell pepper.

Note: If you’re not a Vampire leave out the blood.

 

Now Let’s Talk BACON

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It’s all about the bacon. And the news is good.

You can now have your bacon and drink it too.

 

How to make Bacon Washed Booze.

 

You can add bacon flavor to vodka, whiskey or broubon. And it is easy. AND best of all you’ll get to eat the bacon.

This is fantastic in a Bloody Ceasar or Bloody Mary.

 

Bacon Washed Booze

Ingredients:

  • 1 pound good quality bacon
  • 26 ounces vodka, whiskey or bourbon (some people like to use rum too. I say go for it.)
  • 2 quart Mason jars
  • Fine mesh strainer or cheesecloth and funnel
  1. Fry up your bacon on low heat until nicely crisp but not charred. You don’t want to burn it. Pour fat from the pan into a heat-safe bowl (like a Pyrex bowl).
  2. Remove bacon strips and put them on a plate that’s covered with a paper towel. Let stand for five minutes.
  3. Pour alcohol of your choice into a large mason jar.
  4. When the bacon has cooled slightly, add strips into the Mason jar with the alcohol. Pour bacon fat into the jar as well. Let jar stand at room temperature for four hours and stir mixture every hour. Remove the bacon strips (but not the fat)
  5. Put the jar into the freezer overnight. The fat will solidify and rise to the top, scrape as much fat out of the jar as possible.
  6. Using a fine-mesh strainer pour vodka from one jar to a new empty mason jar. The strainer should catch lots of bacon fat and other stuff.
  7. Wash the original jar used and train the bacon infused alcohol one more time into the now clean and empty Mason jar. Enjoy.

 

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Make a dry Bacon Martini and garnish with a strip of bacon. Or try a Smokey Vampire. Yum.

 The Smokey Vampire

  • 2 oz. Bacon Infused Bourbon (or Whiskey)
  • 1/4 oz. maple syrup
  • 2 dashes Angostura bitters
  • Orange juice (just a bit)
  • Blood (just a bit)

In mixing glass, stir 2 ounces bacon-infused bourbon, maple syrup, and bitters with ice. Strain into chilled rocks glass filled with ice. Garnish with bacon and if you want add a splash of orange juice and blood.

Note: If you’re not a Vampire leave out the blood.

 

You gotta love a drinking chimp.

You gotta love a drinking chimp.

 

A word of caution: You can use the bacon booze for just about anything but Teddy advises NOT mixing it with tonic water. Nasty nasty nasty. Save your tonic water for your good gin without the bacon.

 

vm_party time

Party on Vampires but REMEMBER don’t drink and drive.

Elections and parenting and cats and stupid people and especially stupid Vampires are enough to drive anyone to drink – BUT don’t. Drink to enjoy the flavors and relax and never too much. And of course, never drink and drive (or ride a horse or bicycle while drinking and never drink while rollerskating.) Really, don’t drink and drive. It isn’t worth it.

 

vm blood and sand

I just added this one for kicks and grins. You know, the whole Blood and Sand thing. All girls (and some boys) love Valentino, who might… or might not be a Vampire now.

So welcome in the cooler weather (except for my friends in the Southern Hemisphere then have a great summer) with open arms. Don’t bring in the holidays with stress but with a quiet joy. Let go of the crap and start some new traditions. If you don’t like someone don’t spend the holidays with them – give that to yourself as a gift you always wanted.

So cheers! Teddy and I will be bringing you more holiday fun for Thanksgiving, including wine and food and Vampire fun.

xoxoxox

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

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AGT and bottled beer – It isn’t Penny Dreadful but we can watch it with the kids.

TV Reviews and My Own Bad Writing Because I’m Moving FAST Here Folks.

We had the usual peanut gallery of Vampires over to watch ATG Wednesday night. They’re still in the try out stage and it looks like a fun summer season is ahead of us with some really great talent. Below are a few of the acts and comments from the gallery.

Almost as fun as Penny Dreadful without the one big gratuitous sex scene and the one big fuckwood scene, excuse me Deadwood inspired scene where a multitude of f-bombs are dropped for no good reason except to make you say “What the Fuck?”

Penny Dreadful is wonderful and campy and silly. The husband can’t keep up with it. We lived throughout this the first time these stories were out – but there are so many characters and he never read much fantasy. My husband figures he is already a Vampire so why read about it much less watch TV about it. But I love it. I love Vanessa’s dresses. I love the Gothic feel. I love the creature. It is so much fun. Of course you gotta love Dorian Gray even with the random WTF moment when he was kissed by the American. Alright, I have to admit, I’d kiss either one of those guys, or at least bite their necks. Anyway… back to family entertainment.

The Revolutionary War program Turn turned sour for use early on. We had such high hopes but the historic inaccuracies, plot weakness and overall confusion and sheer boredom factors caused us to discontinue watching it.

Then there was Ripper Street. What happened there? It could have been really good but there again the characters were bogged down by silly writing and the show sort of vanished. Copper was fun too and pretty campy. It keeps my Irish friends laughing (not because it is accurate either.)

Nothing could have been worse than last season’s Dracula. That was so bad on so many levels.

Why on most historic television programs (I’m not talking about anything on PBS so don’t even comment on it) – why on most historic television programs, especially those taking place before 1920 are the women’s clothing and makeup so inaccurate?

In the early days of TV Miss Kitty and all of Little Joe’s girlfriends looked just like they’d come out of a 1960’s beauty salon complete with 1960’s bras. So many costume designers forget the importance of the silhouette. Things haven’t gotten much better.

So maybe that is why we like things like River Monsters and Life Below Zero and America’s Got Talent. Everybody loves big fish with giant teeth and a guy with a British accent. We all like rugged individuals living in Alaska. And we all like talent and variety. And we don’t have to worry about costumes or historic details.

Now what you’ve all been waiting for… Here is our rundown for America’s Got Talent for Wednesday, June 4, 2014.

We missed the beginning but came in just as two really good-looking young men were causing Howie to not be able to read. It was a fun sort of magic type trip.

Julie age 15. Amazing young singer. She was so cute and has such a lovely and mature voice. Go Julie. Comments from the peanut gallery were: Wow, sign her up now. All these skanks on the radio can’t hit a not at all and listen to this girl. Girlfriend’s good.

Tap Dancers – two cute guys in caps. These two guys (age 17 and 18) were exceptionally cute and could go a long way with some practice. Stay tuned.

Motorcycle stunt guys always make me want to go get another beer. I’m just not that into it. Let me see you jump over the Grand Canyon or over the Washington Monument or something.

There were jump ropers. Next please.

There were pogo stick jumpers. Now that was fun, but not a million dollar act.

And then there were the cutest 8 year old triplets I have every seen. Oh my goodness. Look them up on YouTube. One threw cards while the others assisted. I don’t care what these kids do; they got the prize for being the cutest things ever.

A young singer named Miguel was cute and could sing. We’ll see him back.

There was a pair of Salsa Dancers. That was two guys dancing together. They were good. One was from Sacramento. Go guys go!

Some chick did acrobatics while pretending to swim away from sharks on a screen background. She said it was her imagination going wild. OK. Good for you. That was nice but really annoying and a little too sweet for me. Sort of like a Starburst candy with 5 times the sugar.

Rather than cocktails we were drinking Blue Moon White Belgian-Style Wheat Ale. Mmmmmm. Good stuff. Yes, Vampires drink beer, but only cold beer and only good beer.

 

Have fun and don’t watch to much Tee Vee!

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

Cheers!

 

A New Random Vampire Poll

vmrock

Take the poll and discover…something or other.

drink coffee

 

 

 

Yes, I know there is a boo boo in some spelling in the poll. Haven’t figured out how to fix it yet (I tried).

What kind of Vampire are YOU?

What kind of Vampire are YOU?

I sleep _____________________

  1. On a futon made of organic cotton and soy fibers.
  2. After my kids go to bed – so not enough.
  3. In a four posted bed with beautiful curtains and silk sheets.
  4. In my coffin in a crypt

I drive_________________________

  1. A hybrid
  2. My husband and kids crazy
  3. A 1966 Mustang Fast Back that I purchased new
  4. A hearse

I’m hungry. I see a cute guy _____________________

  1. I ask if he is a vegan. If he answers yes, I take about a pint of blood off of him.
  2. I ask him if he is feeling ok. If he answers yes, I take about a pint of blood off of him.
  3. I seduce him and take about a pint of blood off of him.
  4. I drain his body of blood then dump his cold drained body in a ditch.

What really makes me sad.

  1. People thinking Vampires are politically incorrect
  2. Kids dealing with bullies.
  3. The continuing stupidity of mankind
  4. I don’t care.

My favorite animal is a

  1. Hedgehog
  2. Cat
  3. Wolf
  4. I have no use for animals

My home is ____________________________

  1. All solar
  2. Sort of like Grand Central Station
  3. Which one? The beach house or the Victorian in town?
  4. A dark castle without heat or air.

If someone asks you if you’re a Vampire you say:

  1. That is so politically incorrect. I have my rights.
  2. Excuse me? Didn’t your mama teach you any manners?
  3. How could you say such a thing?
  4. Answer in a thick accent that is not your own “I vant to drink your blood.”

My biggest fear is _____________________________

  1. Not being true to who and what I am.
  2. Someone will try to harm my family.
  3. Vampire Hunters
  4. Garlic and Crosses

If you were on a desert island with a zombie would you___________________

  1. Ask it how it feels about being a zombie and if that has made it’s self –esteem suffer
  2. Figure out how to keep it comfortable.
  3. Make it go sit on the other side of the island until it stops grunting.
  4. Bite it.

The way to kill a vampire is__________________________

  1. That is just so wrong. Your karma is going to spiral down to nothing.
  2. Excuse me?
  3. Don’t talk like that?
  4. Burn it or cut out it’s heart or cut off it’s head.

My favorite kind of blood is ___________________________

  1. From people who live clean.
  2. From people I like but I’m not too close to, especially if they have a good sense of humor.
  3. From lovers.
  4. The blood of the damned.

My favorite other than blood is:

  1. Carrot and kale juice that I make myself
  2. Gin and tonic
  3. A nice full bodied Zinfandel
  4. I only drink blood.

The quote that describes me the best:

1. Night, the beloved. Night, when words fade and things come alive. When the destructive analysis of day is done, and all that is truly important becomes whole and sound again. When man reassembles his fragmentary self and grows with the calm of a tree. ~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

2. Silently, one by one, in the infinite meadows of heaven, Blossomed the lovely stars, the forget-me-nots of the angels.~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, Evangeline

3. How like a queen comes forth the lonely Moon From the slow opening curtains of the clouds Walking in beauty to her midnight throne! ~George Croly, Diana

4. I speak the words of no man. I live alone in the dark.

Answers:

If you answered mostly 1 you’re a new age Vampire. Peace, love and organic kale! Just be careful you get enough iron with all those vegans.

If you answered mostly 2 you’re a Vampire Maman. Yep, you have kids. Don’t forget you need your own hunting time! All bottled blood is ok some of the time but not all of the time.

If you answered mostly 3 you’re an old fashioned romantic Vampire. Just don’t let a pretty face catch you off guard. Watch for Vampire hunters!

If you answered mostly 4 you’re really sick and need professional help.

maude

Countdown to Halloween!

For the rest of the month I’ll be posting HALLOWEEN, SCARY, back to my roots Vampire stories, FUN and FEAR all the way. You’ll learn some more ins and outs of modern Vampire living along with a variety of SPOOKY and FUN stuff. There will be tales of ghosts and revenge and dark romance, parenting your young Vampires (of course), scary books, Werewolf and Zombie tales, party fun, and much much more!

 

So keep checking back and…no guarantees…but I’ll try to make this thing work.


And thanks again for everyone for visiting Vampire Maman – I truly appreciate it so very much!

(Disclaimer: the images here came from my Facebook friends – I have no idea where they originally came from but I figure they are public domain now. If not let me know)